Make a list

It's been a huge month.

I set some goals and attempted to follow through and I'll tell you why.

I have this friend who carries around a pocket full of post-it notes and on each one is a thing he needs or wants to get done. He pulls them out multiple times a day and shuffles through them and every once in a while he throws one away....sometimes there are 2 things on one post-it....in that case he scribbles one line out and puts back in the pocket....

On a great day I'll hear him say

"That's IT!!! Empty Pockets!" 

he wipes his hands on his pants and smiles

"done"

Then it starts over.

Seems simple.

I have been more than overwhelmed with:

Covid

Work

Never-ending Divorce

House Hunting with no $$

Teenager

My Hair

Running

Working Out

My never-ending Period

Relationship

None is horrible, but as a compiled basket

it's a lot.

SO....

I said, Come on Girl...This is your life now....get yer shit together and move forward.

First thing first....

My beautiful family arranged for Sissy to come for 2 nights and just sit on the couch and all of us be happy together and it was divine!

Me and Sissy....

then I was told it's time to buy myself something....something simple

I bought run pants.

Then I started my list....

I have to start planning for our future....and that means cleaning up the house I am losing and start packing for a house or life in the future.

20 years of crap is a lot....

I often wish it would just disappear.

But no, I can do this.

I can

So this week....

my list is made and I giggled.

I moved a lot of our stuff to a rental space

and even drove a big truck to do it. 

in hindsight I wish I would have sorted the stuff out a bit more 

but oh well....

I have 20 more days until Tulum

and I can't wait.

I have some big news too

But I am going to wait.

xoxo

m

 

cherries or pits?

after a fabulous weekend of fighting over relationship stuff that never seems to go away, drinking a magnum bottle of crap wine with Synda, throwing away old clothes, I am possibly ready to re-evaluate my life and where I am going. yeah yeah...like I don't do this every four months...but the point is, I don't want to keep doing it. Life should be easier than it is for me. (Big cry baby I know.)
Here's the thing. I write and am online because it is a world I don't have at home. It's friends, attention, support and all around good feelings. The world wide web is an amazing thing if used in it's correct capacity. When not used in a friendly manner many things can happen. People get hurt, you learn things about people you never wanted to know (or should know) and life gets disrupted.
*NOTE* Don't look for things unless you are ready to deal with the end results.
So my head has been a muddled mess, having a hard time finding humor in things that I should, and not letting go. Talking about things only makes it worse in my household.
There are always, well almost always, lives before a new part of your life begins. This is truth.
In my new life, I have made many mistakes, I admit, but have learned from them. My online life has been quit. I have done this to bring relief into this area of my relationship...but it doesn't ease the mistrust. I have cut myself off from true friends, past and present, and hope they understand...and my true pals DO understand...they don't approve, but they understand.
I continue to make myself a better person, in my tiny tiny head....and hope good comes from it.
It will, one way or another...on my end.
The other end of this stick of dynamite also needs to be diffused. Or for lack of a better analogy, will continue to explode over and over again like a string of firecrackers....and I'm tired of putting out little tiny fires in my life. I can't continue to walk around putting fires out, leaping, ducking and only getting spurts of joy....I can't look away all the time, eventually I will see...Because when I do see, I want to see and feel happy, not sad.
live, love and be what you want back. I have a time frame and today it goes into action. I will not go longer than I should. I will take care of myself, learn, and become the strong person I know I am.
I don't want to hate myself for making wrong choices anymore...it's time to move on.

to top off my day, school started today. Long days are ahead, so you may hear me complain about it a bit on here, because I have to be strong at home. My schedule is unknown at this point...i can't quite figure out what is best for the kids and what the 12 year old can handle with the 5 year old. Do I come to work at 330 am and drive home at 8 am( to get 5 hours of work in), then drop the kids off at school then head to class? it's hard to figure out until I start putting it in motion. but...I'll still be around here...my little secret outpost...place to write, whine and laugh...at myself.

xo
write ya later
m