broken like a piece of china

I'm not gonna whine about this much more.  As I was told at some point, " no one owes you an excuse as to why they stop talking or caring,  just move on."

I get it...I'm moving.............slowly. 

I will elaborate only slightly, because some things are better left unsaid.

I have a hard time with "unsaid".

When you have a friend who rocks your world you re-think things, everything. 

Sunshine is brighter

Music has meaning

Sweets are sweeter 

and

honestly some stuff is just straight out amazing.

When you meet someone like this and you connect one often feels this is a "thing".  Nothing else really matters, this is something that will be here.  They get you. You get them. They give you advice, and you think more....contemplate.

Then little things start happening.  The timing is all wrong. Excuses are made and you start to wonder...

was I that wrong?  

Did my radar totally go whack? 

How could I let this person play me?

fuck

It's like I am a teen again and the breakup is bad. 

Except as a teen, it just scars you for life and makes baggage....

As an adult, when a friend dumps you, you break.  Like china.

I can't afford to break right now....

It's weird when your inner soul totally plays you for a fucking idiot.  

Is this some sort of bullshit lesson? 

Probably.

As my sister said, " you will do what is right when the time is right....maybe (this friend) was saving you a fall".

maybe

but I don't like it

I'm lonely

my brain has less to think about

less to smile about 

and less to dream about

yup...

I hate feeling like that crazy woman up the street....

Gotta let it go....

Maybe you will come around

totally worth it.

write ya later........

m

Friends over forty

Not sure how to say it without hurting my feelings.   But here it goes...." You are a bitch". Outspoken,  easily riled, passionate, and loyal... You will never be accepted for the fiery red head you are.
The truth : everyone wants to be a part, but no one for the long haul.  it's heartbreaking.  Hush, hush...

I can't keep friends, never could.  I'm too much.  I was raised to be independent, too independent.  As a 20 something I always kept my mouth shut.  I watched ,people do crazy things.  I watched people, cheat, lie, steal, and die and i kept quiet.  One day I said, if that was me ...I'd want my friend to say something, I'd want my friend to tell me I was going to die, or that I was doing shit that would eventually kill me...and if I heard someone in distress I would never walk away...I would help...I would call 911, because you never know.

Now at 40 something I am virtually friendless.  I have the drive bys.  The friends who call for a beer, a favor, or if they need someone to do something crazy with, but not a single friend who would stop by if something was up.  Not a friend who could look at me and say, " hey, what's up?  You look like there is something going on".

Here's a little funny humor.  I wanted to run away and leave my hubby one night ( long story) and I had no where to go.  NO WHERE!   I drove around the block, sat  in the car and cried...then went home and apologized .

I am the fun one, the vocal one and the one you can count on for pretty much anything.  I'll be there for you, even if I haven't seen you in months, because I care.  I will tell you if your new boyfriend is an asshole and that I saw him at the bar with another girl...because I care.  
But what I need ? Is a friend .  A friend to go to dinner with, sit on the couch with, laugh with and go a Vegas trip with.
A friend I know who will show up when I least expect it.

I'm here.

Write ya later
M

friends whatever

You now what sucks the big one?

I'll tell you...here, let me give it to you without the fancy packaging.

FRIENDS...or the so called...i guess it would be better to call them pass throughs.

It's the leave the job, or whatever, and then you are the outcast.  

It's not just job, it's in general.  As you know I have some pretty dear friends.  As you get older friends are harder and harder to come by.  

I, personally, take my friendships extremely seriously.  I'm guessing that is why I only have a few.  If something happens, you can count on me...but on the other hand...I'm not gonna think 3 times about you if you are a fair weather friend.

(notice how I said 3...I'm a bit slow)

frienships are harder than love relationships because they are harder to let go.  I'm the type that just has to cut it loose because I know in my heart I am the one that cares more, so it is easier to just forget about it than to keep dragging it out....like a bad hang nail

back to the subject:

I left my place of employment where I met some great people.

it bums me out that I know in my head I will never really see them and again and they could give a shit less.

(insecurity at its finest)

It sucks that you can't put an ad out for new friends, because I have a ton to offer.

Wanted:

cool milf friend who likes to drink microbrews, knit, run, hang out and just chit chat 1-2 times a week.  preferably has kids, is not "religious" and willing to start at 7 am or any given time. 

must be flexible.

must have a sense of humor...

a real sense of humor....

and willing to try new things.

please email asap

desperate

well...there you have it...you can tell I'm in a transition.  I'm sure its my fault or my shitty attitude, but that should be a plus.

ps new job is going good...people are nice, willing to teach, and its been ok.

imagine that?

360 day of my life #76

get your barf bag...

Don't ask, the kids sink was clogged...I took it upon myself to clean out the drain...here it is...
bleck...what the hell? two years of Dora the Explorer toothpaste, do it yourself haircuts for Barbie and herself, by the 5 year old..and god only knows what else from the teenager...
barf...
one more reason not to procreate

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

360 days of my life #37

360 days, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

the beauty of a love/hate relationship