Hellllllo October, you Bitch

Oh, October in Colorado.  One of the persnickiest times of the year.

One day 78 degrees and clear ....

Isn't it lovely?

All less than 12 hours later.

Same view....

17 degrees. 

No worries though, this is why we love Colorado, she is as unpredictable as a, well, let's say a woman who has been on the wagon for 17 days, attempting to figure out what to do with all her free time not spent drinking or surfing IG or Facebook.

"Shall I have an acid flavored Kombucha?....or a cucumber water?"

"Shall I knit or shall I clean and sort my entire sewing room, then decide to finish all projects which were left unfinished from years ago?"

Guess what ?

All of the above.

SoberOctober is proving itself to be quite productive, not only for projects , but for clearing my mind and getting my lonely lost head straight. 

Two Thumbs up, M!.

 yeah Kanye, we get it 

"MAGA"....and that is starting with my sewing room and brain.

Let's see, just for the idle chatter, I knitted a sweater, sewed a bag (little hexagon appliqué pictured below), got a Fitbit, been working out, am getting a BMI body scan, repotted all the outdoor plants to bring inside and planned a trip to Nashville

Who doesn't love Hexagons?

All of this while sober.  

I may just keep it up into November (probably not, because my friends are so not supportive).

I am still grieving the loss of a friendship which brought me much joy....but it will be ok. 

Everything works out in the end, one way or another, it is just weird to hear someone say they will be there, then , well.....go silent.

Part of my Yoga, workout, run therapy also involves lessons in patience. 

It's kind of cool.

I am working just being me. 

It's all good when you can look at yourself and laugh...give people hugs....and  say "good things happen to good people and mean it". 

I missed out (self inflicted) on a once in a lifetime trip to Machu Picchu, which was to start tomorrow, because 

1. guilt of spending $3K on myself

2. a little bit scared

3. head not quite where it needed to be to travel and enjoy.

it's ok....there will be more trips....right?

(yes that is grey hair...the red is being replaced by silver)

This is me....at work, 

washing my hands so that I can pass out some more hugs.

Try it.

I'll keep ya posted on my plans.

Nashville, Bryce National Park 1/2, then hopefully Italy and or Greece....although I have heard Croatia is quite nice. 

xoxox,

write ya later,

m

Friends over forty

Not sure how to say it without hurting my feelings.   But here it goes...." You are a bitch". Outspoken,  easily riled, passionate, and loyal... You will never be accepted for the fiery red head you are.
The truth : everyone wants to be a part, but no one for the long haul.  it's heartbreaking.  Hush, hush...

I can't keep friends, never could.  I'm too much.  I was raised to be independent, too independent.  As a 20 something I always kept my mouth shut.  I watched ,people do crazy things.  I watched people, cheat, lie, steal, and die and i kept quiet.  One day I said, if that was me ...I'd want my friend to say something, I'd want my friend to tell me I was going to die, or that I was doing shit that would eventually kill me...and if I heard someone in distress I would never walk away...I would help...I would call 911, because you never know.

Now at 40 something I am virtually friendless.  I have the drive bys.  The friends who call for a beer, a favor, or if they need someone to do something crazy with, but not a single friend who would stop by if something was up.  Not a friend who could look at me and say, " hey, what's up?  You look like there is something going on".

Here's a little funny humor.  I wanted to run away and leave my hubby one night ( long story) and I had no where to go.  NO WHERE!   I drove around the block, sat  in the car and cried...then went home and apologized .

I am the fun one, the vocal one and the one you can count on for pretty much anything.  I'll be there for you, even if I haven't seen you in months, because I care.  I will tell you if your new boyfriend is an asshole and that I saw him at the bar with another girl...because I care.  
But what I need ? Is a friend .  A friend to go to dinner with, sit on the couch with, laugh with and go a Vegas trip with.
A friend I know who will show up when I least expect it.

I'm here.

Write ya later
M