Showing posts with label For all the good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label For all the good. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

On This Harvest Moon .....I'm still in love with you

 Life is strange...

and beautiful

10/10/21


💙

I will keep this simple 
we waited a long time 
for this 

people may say otherwise,
but they did not see the love in his eyes
for me
for her
for us

and her happiness with a new chapter
and family who opened their arms
to her broken wings
and loved her.
just as he loves us

To the people I did not tell
there was a reason or 
reasons

fear,
selfishness
not wanting to answer the questions

To the people who knew
I thank you...
we thank you...
for your beautiful support through the last 2 years
and for all the 
love you have sent

There are still many people I love and hope to never lose in my life...
ever
you all know who you are 
and my love and friendship will forever be here

A new, beautiful, loving chapter is about to begin for us
And a time to begin to heal 
not just my heart but the 
hurt I carried with me

xo,
write ya later

m







Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Offer Smoffer

 lord have mercy.   I am so done with all of this,   I do realize I am a nurse and it is not appropriate for me to express this....but I wanna see live music, hug a stranger, go to the damn bar and sit at the bar instead of the parking lot.........

but....

whatever.

It has been quite comical living in this tiny space.  I am living with about 3 outfits, 25 pairs of shoes (because I couldn't leave my shoes) and one shared bathroom.   

Im thankful that Kevin has let us in....made room for us and said he will take care of us.  ( don't need anyone to take care of us, but it is divine and lovely and makes my heart happy to know he is there).

I have heard from my lawyer that the "ex" is going to accept the offer.   

THE OFFER.

hahahahahahahahahahaha

Smart on his part.

Of course he is going to win....he doesn't need to deal with me, who he despised, he gets the house and most of everything I have worked for and saved .

(note to people.....if you marry up....never have your own shit or investments...that way if you split you can half of theirs regardless of your input)

to the other half. 

get a prenuptial

Anyways, we will discuss that later. But sooner the divorce is finalized the sooner I can actually live.

You all know that one cannot buy a house , car , change insurance, move....etc....without divorce papers.   It's one of the dickiest moves ever.  They know you are stuck....if you are on the short ghetto side of divorce....just refuse to sign the divorce papers and you can live for basically free until the court says you have to sign.    For me...I have to continue to pay for all of his shit until he signs.    But, I'm good.  I got an extra job and am maintaining mine, the kid's and apparently his lifestyle for now.  And Im actually not too angry.   Just more done.  Move the fuck on.   Let me go.


On the flip

I'm happy.   Kevin is everything I have wanted, and how this happened I have no idea and don't really want to question it.   I just know I deserve it, and so does he.   Coming home every day to a person who is honestly happy to see me is the best.  We laugh, touch, kiss and do things together.   So simple....laugh, kiss the cheek and touch their butt once in a while and you are in.

Hopefully soon this divorce will be done.  I will lose my forever home and most of the stuff ( this is what happens when you are the spouse with the most money and independence regardless of gender ...this is part of women's liberation I suppose) I lose the goods and money, but gain a life I deserve with people who want to be around me.  Maybe a move is in my future.   Denver? Florida? Nashville? Connecticut?  I don't know.   but it will be something.


xo,

write ya later,

m

Sunday, June 16, 2019

365 days : day 167, today is the day...

day 167



I deleted all old texts and let it go.
Friendships come and go and like they say, 
you shouldn't fight for friendships or love.
Hard as it is, because I looked at these texts often when my heart was /is heavy to remind myself I am beautiful, smart, loving and that others can see that.
I also read them to remind myself that 
my issues weigh my soul down, yet I have the ability to change.
These talks and texts have taught me to move forward, instead of fear change 
In the last year I have learned a lot about myself and continue to move forward in my plans to better myself and life for me.
It will forever break my heart to not communicate with someone I took a chance and opened myself up to...but that is part of life. He knows where I am and how to let me know he is there if anything is needed.
I am thankful
So silly, but a spot is here....waiting, and if able, I would be right there....
for whatever

Clear a space I must....

strong girl....
write ya later,
and ps.
I love you very much and if you ever need anything... 
talk? laugh? bowling? car trip?
I'm here
may you find what makes you happy and safe
xoxo,
m




Saturday, April 17, 2010

why oh WHY??

so, I go to take the second math test. I get to the testing center at 1145...thinking its open until 3. Sit down, start taking the test...feel pretty good...do the ones I know...move along...do the ones I need to work on...move along...start working on a few of the harder ones, because I have time...then the girl comes in and says,"I'm sorry, we are going to have to close in a few minutes...wrap it up"
WTF?!!!!!
not done!!!
it's only 1PM!!!


@$##%@#%@#$



ok...whatever...I did the best I could...in 45 minutes!!! they were to give me 3 hours, they should have said something...oh well, it's my fault I should have looked at the hours when I walked in.

I sent an email to the 2 instructors and said " You will be able to tell I am fully capable of doing basic math...even though I did not finish the test..."

then I got in the car and cried.
why oh why

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Obstetrics clinicals...Mint Julep: do not read

Umbilical Cord
2 arteries....1 vein...draw the blood...don't freak, sometimes it pulsates.

yep...
2 days of clinicals in my (so, I thought) least favorite setting, OB.
I'm not quite sure what to expect when they send me off to the unnamed hospital for our observation of the area. Are we to actually have hands on or are we to just sit back and watch?
Because I'm a hands on learner ...I go for broke.
At the first little group meeting I announce my name, the school I'm from, my status : Student RN , first semester, (this part is important...so they don't expect much yet are pleased when you know something), and that what ever they got that is cool...let me know...even if they have forgotten what is cool....I always note to everyone * remember, I've seen nothing, all is amazing and new to me :).
I smile big and cross my fingers, hoping for the best. The Charge nurse usually sets you up with a RN to follow and if you have a great RN, it's a great day, if you have a cranky RN, uhh not so good. (as I've noted before).
My RNs were awesome~
They liked the fact I was a go getter and asked questions, I was willing to help, and I only expressed true concern and dismay maybe ...let's say once or twice.
Here were my 2 days and what I saw...then I'll give you the short run down.
3 live births, many fundal checks(look it up), ice packs, teaching, 1 cesarean, 1 trip to the mortuary and hand holding.
Live births: amazing every time. I'm a freak and have to start telling myself to not cry when the baby comes out and screams that first gurgly baby scream. I also had to be reminded to not "push" myself (if you know what I mean) every time I was coaching a mom and holding her feet up. A nice young RN came over to me and whispered in my ear, " You aren't crazy, it happens all the time, but I'm just going to tell you....if you PUSH for 10 seconds every time they do, you will prolapse your entire bladder by the end of your shift....do kegals instead."
such sage advise. thank you RN Shannon.
Live birth...I feel better about my vagina now* note to self, everyone is different and I can now vouch for that.
C-Sections, wowza. I was sad it wasn't more fun for the mom. She was scared outta her mind and puked about 5 times before anyone but me noticed....in her mouth.
not enough explaining what was going on, especially for a first time mom, first time in the surgery room. Not really the ideal birth. Especially if you have been reading "What to Expect When You are Expecting".
That damn book tells you nothing about the temperature of the room and that is so flippin impersonal you want to shoot yourself in the foot.
But the end result in this scenario was the same.
Baby....a really cute one named Abigail Marie.

***Mint Julep...or any pregnant person stop reading here***

My first day I did have to come home and drink a bottle of wine. I had a trip to the mortuary on the baby floor just so I would see the unfortunate side of the coin. People don't talk about the 1 chance in I don't know how many that you might not give birth to a live baby, or even worse the precious angel leaves before it lives her first day.

We walked into the little room with few pieces of paperwork to fill out. The big sweaty mortuary guy, dressed in your typical black and white, with a bow-tie sat down and started filling out paperwork. I glance at my nurse...she looks at me and opens a large fridge and gives me a forgiving look. First a bucket. She says , "25 weeks, cremation, parents have signed off, they don't want anything or any contact."
?/?/???
She looks at the guy and says, "Are you taking the girl?" he states they will be leaving her until Thursday.
I look into the fridge and see a large bundled 'package' on a blanket wrapped in more baby blankets.
????/??
uh -uh I think...this is not where the dead live....is it?
They sign the paperwork and he leaves. My RN looks at me and says," do you want to see her?"
"I don' t know, do I want to see her?"
"it's up to you...she was born, and died after her first breath. I haven't seen her since she was delivered. It was awful, the entire family was at the birth.
She was perfect."
ok
we gently unwrapped her and pulled the covers back. You could feel the coldness through the blankets. I had no idea what I was going to see. The top blanket was taken from her head and underneath was the most perfect baby I had seen yet. Her ears were perfect, her little head as round as could be, and if I didn't know I would think she was sleeping....except she was ice-cold, her lips and fingernails were black....and her little body was hard. Her skin was smooth and her blond hair curled around her face like a cherub. I stroked her beautiful cheek, and wanted to smell her head like you do with precious babies...but knew that would not be right. As I pulled the blanket back I noticed she was dressed.
" She was dressed for family pictures".
????
I know they do this.
"Her entire family...you know, pictures. They didn't want to know what happened....no autopsy, they couldn't bare to think of her cut up."
i understood that part....
Her little onesie she had on was a perfect shade of baby doll pink to match her blond hair....it read:
Bestest Little Sister
I wept. I couldn't control myself....
I just plain wept.