Bleeding to death...almost

It's like Dexter all up in here....

I have literally been bleeding for 3.5 weeks now. 

I'm gonna be honest, I am not sure how any living creature can bleed this much and still live.

I can attest to the fact that I don't feel great.

I am going to say maybe it's my period's last hurrah,

so that I don't forget about all the. miserable times together.

I should have invested in some tampon company, or at least toilet paper.

I'm exhausted.

I am also going to guess that it could be something else,

because I haven't felt great for a while.

but I'm a bit too scared to go get it checked.

As you may know I had a boob scare a few years ago and had part removed...

but also decided not to take the chemo.

so...

at that point the dr said, we will keep an eye on everything.

I'm hoping it has not reappeared in the boob's second favorite spot to send cancer cells...

the uterus.

I'm gonna say it's menopause ....yep, that is what I am going with.

on top of bleeding my entire relaxing getaway, I also ate some luscious fruit and found out in a quite sucky way that being allergic to latex also means you are often allergic to many of the yummy tropical fruits and apparently lobster and shrimp (which I kind of all ready knew).

I had a bite of lobster, some unidentifiable yummy fruit, bananas and plantains

and my mouth developed a crop of sores, swelling and yuck.

( about the same as when I had latex rubber bands on my braces)

It's gross and it hurts.

I hope this is just an ugly phase I'm going through, because I don't have enough energy due to blood loss to workout or run, I can't eat anything good right now because of my mouth....

and after I work all day I am so tired I cannot even bring myself to do a damn thing, except get in the bed.

send me some good vibes...

I'm tired of this 

I want to go have fun and feel perky again.

I want to stop looking at my bed like it is my second home.

(as I type this from my bed)

any suggestions?

write ya later,

xo

m

boob is free and clear....for now

I have been a bit absent due to the circumstances of breast illness and stress.  I would like to happily report that I was finally able to have my "breast sparing lumpectomy" on 4/30.  I was very nervous seeing how this was my very first surgery.  I had kept all this information to myself for a few months now and was emotionally ready to find out the answer. 

I arrived at the hospital at 7 am to prepare for the placement of the wire into my breast.  this is called a wire guided stereo mammogram.  The Dr. uses mammogram to place a wire into your breast up to the titanium chip which marks the cancerous area.  To me, it wasn't bad.  they give you some lidocaine and you drop your boob into a hole onto a table and they work from below.  I felt as long as I didn't think too much about it I was fine.  When he is done they take your for a soft mammogram (no such thing) to make sure the wire is in the right place then off to the pre-surgery area.    When I arrived into pre-surgery my blood pressure was up to the 150s ,which is unusual for me.  I was so scared.  As they started setting me up I just started blubbering like an idiot and the RNs stood there aghast.  " its ok..  its ok, we are going to take care of you.  You wont feel anything"  I knew all this but the emotion just poured out.  I was finally able to get my shit together and crack a few jokes and they felt it was safe enough to leave me in the tiny room to watch TV and relax.   

45 minutes later I had signed all consents, spoke to the surgeon and then the Anesthesiologist.  He was great, told me everything he was going to do and all was well in the world.  

Next thing I remember was him saying, " do you feel that?"  Feel what...?  the burning in my IV?   and he says , "yup. " with a big smile and I remember the oxygen mask coming towards me and hearing him laugh and  saying, " nighty night, Red".

I woke up an hour or so later in recovery.    I had no nausea, was thirsty, but no pain.   I sat around there for a while then was sent home.

I felt great.  no pain...no nausea....no pain.  they had placed a Scopolamine patch behind my ear for the nausea and it worked wonders.  

I was to leave everything in place and wear a big booby binder for 72 hours.

 day 3 i removed the binder.  not bad.

the lump they removed was about 2"x3" so my one breast was smaller and sitting up a little higher from the swelling and where she stitched me up.  I really couldn't complain.  the only stupid thing I did was remove the patch from behind my ear thinking I was fine and for 3 days I was unable to eat with my stomach rolling.  no puking...just uncomfortable.

 bandage

9 o'clock stitch from armpit to nipple.  could be worse.

Monday 5/5 :   I received my results after a long 6 days of waiting.  The Surgeon was able to remove the mass with no cancer left behind.  or what they call clean margins.   no other  cancerous cells found.  

I was so excited.  yet the strange thing was it hasn't eased my mind.  not sure if this is normal.  I woke up last night with chest pain and was afraid I was having a heart attack.  I'm sure it was anxiety, seeing as I am still alive this afternoon.   But I'm still a nervous wreck.

I go back for my checkup tomorrow.  

I am hoping I am not having a heart attack

and I am off work for another week or so, but with not much energy to do anything.

Alls good in boobsville for now

xo 

m

icy bed

It's weird how I always enjoyed sleeping in the middle of the bed when Bobby was gone.  Last night was a little different.  I had gone up earlier and turned my side of the heating blanket on, like always, and he turns his on, so that when we get in it's nice and cozy.

I washed my face, crawled quietly into bed, slid my leg over and his side was

Ice Cold.

Freezing..

Empty...

strange, but I didn't reach over and turn his on...I just scooted way over to my side, pulled all the pillows around me like a cave and fell asleep.

He is breathing a bit better but they say he cannot come home yet due to his respiratory status.  A few more days they say...a few more days....

then the new issues begin.  

He liked the new doctor, a pulmonologist.

The dr looked him in the eye and said, "I will accept you as a patient, but the minute you don't do what I ask of you, you are out."

~~~good, I thought~~~

Maybe this will help him see that being able to breathe is actually quite a big deal which many people take for granted.

With out breath, there is no life...it's the beginning and the end of it all.

Like I told him and some of my friends:

"this is not how he is supposed to die, he screws up all my plans!!!

The plan was; I would strangle him with a guitar cord in a fit of rage after he purchased another damn Marshall Amp!!!"

Not from an asthma attack...

Not by his own doing...

if anyone is going to die...it better be because I was pissed!

360 days of my life # 265 sickieepoo

the funk has arrived at our house and as usual the scrawniest one gets it first.  

The Victim:  Ilin Blue: 

13.5 yrs old

77#

5'1"

He is being plagued by the stomach yuk.  Fever,barfing chills and such.  He ate last night then tossed and turned in agony, afraid to puke.

I would take a broken leg in five places before I chose a night of nausea.

I'm guessing this is the beginning of our cold season and unfortunately it always starts with Ilin because he travels the weekends to his Dad's house...(that is what I blame it on)

So as Ilin lays in bed,clutching his RugRats pillow, I am anti-bacterializing everything in the house.  I am praying that Bobby does not get it, because he is a horrible sick person, and crossing my fingers little Miss Olive doesn't get it because I absolutely hate seeing her puke.

Off to play house nurse now.

write ya later