Almost Day 21....when I wrote this.

I really did sit and cry the other day at lunch

I sat outside and texted a few people in hopes of being rescued from my own mind.

I was reminded that I was strong and that it wasn't much longer...

and I know that.

I know that

I know

I want to go home.

but then I think of how wonderful this has been 

escaping the pain of my home life and troubles,

 in an area where people do not know me,

but everyone appreciates me...

our jobs keep us so busy that there really is no time for heart hurting pain

or the fact that we are doing some crazy ass nursing shit

we just keep moving

the days are irrelevant and the biggest thing of the day is what you are ordering for dinner 

and if someone will steal it from the food delivery area or not.

I got lost almost every day for a week at Jacobi...

These staff nurses made the days ok...

they were hard asses but I got used to the NY yelling and the weird sense of humor

they made us feel like family

How will I ever stop calling everyone Mommy and Papi

 (it's a Bronx thing)

 Take a minute.  

smiling underneath 

It's soooo hot in those stupid gowns.  

Every room we walk into or come out of we have to don and doff...

every time.

all of that comes off and goes in garbage then you put it on again.

it takes a minute....

when someone is coding (dying) it seems to take 30 minutes to get it on properly

I look at this everyday and wonder what the theme was

These two...Jack and Jenna...

they aren't a couple but were inseparable ....

So weird to see them without masks.  

They look awesome, never would have guessed

still empty.  March 1, 2020

Lots of bridges and I couldn't figure out which was which but they were cool

every one in a while there were donuts from someone.

Covid donuts...

but the nurses we are, we ate them

He started filming the bus ride in slow mo....phone taped to the window.  

He got left once at Jacobi , because his patient coded at shift change and we didn't all know each other yet....after that we always yelled " Is Brandon here?"

Chuck...

Southern as all get out and came from Pediatrics.  He learned how to wipe adult ass and he successfully changed his first bedpan ever,  We all cheered and wrote "I changed my first bedpan!" on the back of his gown 

We tried to stay perky 

renegade Flower Arrangements in the NYC garbage cans...

better than wasting all that beauty

Jordan 

another Colorado nurse

I need to figure out that face...

I saw it all over

I can’t take as many pictures as I would like of the situation I find pertinent, although I have snapped a few.    My feet hurt, my heart hurts , but not as much as these people losing life and loved ones.   It seems for every celebration of an extubation, 3 will die.

   But yet we still must celebrate .... we must.  

We are working too hard to not.   Everyday I go back to my hotel and shower like my life depends on it, sleep, and then do it all over again.  

I will never hear this song and not think about Jacobi 

and how it was played every time they successfully 

got a patient off the ventilator

( with covid, 75% of the people die if they were intubated)

so when we hear this.  

we cheer, no matter what 

because we are cheering not just for the life, 

but for the work we all did, 

for the breath they breathe on their own, 

and for their family who is not there to see that fight 

they are fighting 

write ya later,

xo

m

I have maybe one more NYC post left in me

360 days of my life #23

update on Ed

The night was long for me,listening to each labored breath. It was the same feeling as when one of the babies had a cold and all you can do is watch and hope they breathe. Gurgle, gurgle...breathe.

Being the responsible party in charge, I was required to poke Eddie every time his breathing stopped. I knew in my head the lapses in breath were dreams and good pain meds, and as much as I wanted to pop some of his pain meds (don't think I didn't look it up), I didn't...and stayed awake the entire night. He got up 4 times to hobble down the stairs and go potty. Whimpering each step, yet still wagging his fluffy tail.

We headed back to the vet at 8 AM for the morning check up. The Dr. listened to his lungs and poked, prodded, and smiled.

"Yesterday, I honestly didn't think he would make it through the night...He really stole all our hearts yesterday. "

We aren't out of the woods...but we can see the the thick grass ahead. Rest, love and hopefully no bronchitis or pneumonia and he should be up and moving within 3 weeks.

As we all know disaster strikes fast and furious and often without a break. I try not to acknowledge the feeling of fear when I look at the calendar and know that I have gone many months without a reality check. I try to sweep it under the rug and think of the big picture with in the Universe. Everything happens for a reason.

Many things are so very minor and often silly to even fret about when I watch the news of the world. My Universe seems so trite...yet I must remember that my Universe is part of that Universe and it has it's reasons, cause and effect.

Thanks for all the great prayers and good thoughts...

and to Ms. Sara I would like to thank her for also praying for the bill :)

the total damage was 875$ this included 4 xrays...and the revisit was no charge :)

a miracle in it's own right!

Honest Dr's...who did the right thing...yet had a backup plan if things had gone wrong.

Home...

(Me...with fruity margarita for the beach....)

Sweet home...minus the sand.
I have a ton of pictures to get into a little slideshow then I will post the most boring link, so that you can all look at them.

Our Trip was beyond fabulous...Here it is in a nutshell. I lost both my ipods, because I lose everything. (my name and address is with the Ipods in case someone wants to return them) they were left in row 13C of the American Airlines flight, last flight of the day I was told, so, in all reality, those nice people who clean the plane should have found them. HAHAHAHA I guess they consider those little piece of electronics "tips".
We all got sunburned, even though we went through 2 bottles of 75 block and I actually sat under an umbrella with a hat. Ask anyone! The 12 y.o got bit so bad by a hermit crab at the beach store he wouldn't even touch the one he bought for 13$...now I have to take care of it.
He also managed to get stung by jellyfish, but luckily the mean Aussie lifeguard told us to get some vinegar from the snack bar and pour on it. It helped....better than trying to pee on it.
I ate my weight in boiled Pnuts at the "Boathouse"...and scarfed down Gumbo everyday, sometimes twice a day, and had fresh grilled fish sandwiches which were filet to order at AJ's.
I ripped my toenail off "boogie boarding".
The Family was great. We didn't stay together, and you know what they say...the family that doesn't bunk in the same condo stays together...it worked for us.
The wedding was short and pretty...the best kind...nothing like those crazy hour long Catholic weddings.
Olive saw Porpoise about 4 feet away when she was playing with Daddoo, on the second sandbar, and swears they were Mermaids.
I found a pink Barbie on the beach the second day while running and she thought the God's sent it to her and explained to her Bubba how the new Pink Barbie is gonna be so happy and excited when she sees the Barbie Castle she will now live in at Colorado, instead of the old sandy beach.
I thought the Barbie did look pretty happy...on the beach...but it's hard not being a Malibu Barbie and living on the beach, so she probably IS happier in Colorado.

I'm gonna leave out the part about the father of the bride, my brother in law, being so hammered at the wedding he could barely stand up...he's a friendly drunk, so it was actually comical.
And the part about my sissy "hangin' out with the nice drug dealer" in the condo hooked to ours...because she is an adult and can make her own decisions. heehee
And that Olive peed on the "puck puck"(putt-putt) golf course while we were playing...through her panties, through her dress....because she didn't think there was a potty anywhere near.
Oh yeah...and the fact that Freckle face girl is now totally covered in zits and peeling skin because red head and Florida sun do not mix...while the rest of my family looks as if they had a nice relaxing vacation and are a nice shade of golden brown...similar to a coppertone commercial.

stay tuned for pictures this evening