Sneaky lil Booger

Someone has been on my Apple

I found these

in the photo booth

Excuse me, I think I killed the Sim Baby...

yesterday, we had a SIM lab. Sounds exciting, huh? It is somewhat...but also somewhat funny. You step into a classroom which is full of mechanical mannequins which can be programmed via the computer to cough, cry, have weird heartbeats, and give birth. Yes, give birth.

this sim above is the one I was using (not me in the picture)

pregnant and gives birth....
birthing....
So, to start the day I did my vag (grossest word ever) check and the laboring mom was at about 4cm. Needs to be totally effaced before pushing...good, I'll move to the newborn, see if I can do a nice easy assessment. I walk over...look at the screen, everything seems pretty good. There are a lot of things laying out for me to use. Itty bitty blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, intubation tubes, heel sticks, feeding tubes, diapers...basically everything.
I got my stethoscope and started to do my evaluation. I unwrapped the swaddled baby and started listening for lung sounds, heart beats and to see if there were any heart defects. As I was going through the motions, the nurse standing next to me started giggling...Your baby's face is turning blue. I look up and gasp! yikes...what's going on? I see the heart rate has gone up...I start to panic...hmmmm First thing into my mind...go for broke...INTABATION... STAT! Like something off of ER I grab the tubes, no gloves (duh, fail), spray the lube on and start jammin the tube down the babies neck. Of course it gets stuck and at this point the girl next to me is laughing hysterically. My babies vitals are down the shoot and there is beeping galore...and the baby is now glowing blue. Jeesus christ...Jam, jam , jam...I wrench the kids neck back and the tube goes down. I slap the top piece on it and look at my work proudly...as the baby flatlines...Nice... UHMMMM...
The nurse next to me is laughing...I look over and say, "well, what would you have done?" She giggles and says, " How about just wrapping the baby in a blanket and put the hat back on? It was freezing...It had hypothermia from you taking the blankets off and putting that ice cold stethoscope on it....hahahahaha"
What? You mean NO TUBE? All I needed to do was burrito wrap that kid back up and all the bells and whistles would have gone back to normal?!!!
great....
I look over as one of the girls is yelping about the SIM mom "crowning". She gets her gloves on and the baby starts to appear from the gaping rubber vagina. Lovely. She says the baby is coming!...I say, "Hey, Isn't' the face supposed to be facing down?"
"Well, yeah...I suctioned, but the baby won't budge..."
I say again, "The face of that baby should be down." thinking to myself that the computer must be set for a problem birth.
The girl takes the baby's head and wrenches it so that the face is NOW down and CRRRRRRRRRRRuuuNch" Baby head is now down and baby head is a goner. She looked at me like I did it from across the room.
"Heehee, I said it is supposed to be facing down, not crack the head off and make it down!"
Uhm, teacher...I believe we killed the SIM Babies...
Lord, this is why we don't get real patients.

Mod Baby Burp Cloth Tutorial

I'm one of those people who love to make things for people (when I have time.) You see I'd much rather give a gift from the heart than a gift from Walmart, so I started making these little Mod Burp Cloths for an easy baby shower gift.


what ya need for the project:
6 (comes in a package) prefolded birdseye diaper cloths
1/2 yard ( yard total) of 2 types of 100% cotton fabric (something easy to clean...washable)
thread
sewing machine
iron
***these would look great with How about Orange's new fabric***
a couple of podcasts and a beer if you like
This can all be done in about an hour and a half.


1. I like to wash everything first, so that it is clean and ready for the baby.
Plus the 100% cotton diapers shrink quite a bit.


2. After washing, iron the heck out of the fabric. It makes it so much easier to work with.



3. I started with a template of 4 1/2" by 20" because that is how big the center stripe of the diaper is...but after washing, the diaper shrunk about an inch...but this project is so forgiving you can fix it as you go. I like easy...so, we will adjust as we iron it and then sew it to the diaper. (remember, this is for a burp cloth, not for the Martha Stewart Show)



see, it has little lines all ready in it...just make sure your fabric fits in the middle of those.


4. Cut out, using the template. You need 6 total strips of fabric. I used 3 of each kind because it looks cute when you put them together...go ahead and cut out more...because you will want to make more.

5. Next iron 1/4 seam allowance around the sides. Remember, this is forgiving...so no measuring...just fold and iron. I start with the long side, then the bottom , then the long side then you can adjust the top to fit onto the diaper.


I mitered the corner by just snipping the corner and re-ironing to make it lie flat.
This is going to fit in the very middle of the diaper, which all ready has the lines laid out for you :) (told you this was easy.)



6. Now head to the sewing machine.
I picked a color thread which matched the fabric. It shows on the opposite side so you could even do white it you wanted nice clean looking backside, but I like the look of the stitch on the underside.


As you sew, sew close to the ironed edge and as you go along try and keep it on the middle area of the diaper (pin it). long side, bottom, long side then you can adjust as you go if you need to. You will be fine...burp cloth...nothing fancy .



7. cut thread..look and smile...now fold it into thirds and iron it nice and pretty.

5 more to go, a little ribbon and you are the star of the party ( I think anyways)

have fun, I love this project and after all the gifts are opened and in the nursery... you will be remembered every time there is a burp involved.

write ya later
m

Dear Lord....

Dear Lord,

please help me to not strangle or at least to not amputate this small creature.  I realize she means no harm.  I also understand that she was "just looking for , you know, the little thing that goes with the Little Pets".  The problem is ,Lord, I didn't understand the magnitude of upkeep one tiny child would require and without my drink of choice, which I don't have, because the keeper of the cocktails is at band practice tonight and I don't feel right going to the liquor store with kids in tow....

even if they do pass out suckers there,( I do have some morals, thank you Monsignor Cunningham) I don't think I can do this...

I have asked for help before, but this time I'm serious.

2 hours later and hugs and kisses to the My Pretty Pony Beach Cabana, Weebles Treehouse and accessories, one Fisher Price Bus with blinking lights and real horn sounds (thank you Lord) packed into Target bags and placed in the back of the car to go to Santa's Workshop so that the elves could fix them up and send them to some other kids...

question asked by small self centered child?

"so I can get more, Mammoo?"

Yessssss...So Santa can bring more shit.  Soon Honey.

yes...and I do realize the room is bland compared to most...but at least it's clean

So Lord,  Thank you for giving me the strength....

Now maybe I can go write...and also try to figure out why the entire middle half is underlined.

.