Parenting with no handbook : Death part 3: "82 days"

He called and said,
"Mom, It's been 82  days and it has not gotten any easier, everyday still hurts like the first day"

it makes me cry....and I hate to cry. I cry for her, for you, for Gretchen and Charlie and for everyone who has to deal with this type of death.

Elliot never intended for any of this and would hate for us all to be so sad....I know this in my heart and you do too....but here we are, with nothing to grasp except sadness of this entire situation. We now have a hole where she was to be and grow and experience life with you, Ilin....that was cut too short....and as your mother, this has to be one of the most heart wrenching things to watch unfold. I can in no way take away your pain and that hurts. I had no preparation for this and I'm not sure you really were prepared either, even being in the situation.  Gretchen Ford my heart breaks for you, you know that...and nothing you could have done or said would have prepared Ilin or me for this either.

Here is something I would like to add as not only a mom, but as a person who lived a very similar life to Elliot....

1.) stop glamorizing drugs and the culture....
if you know someone who is thinking about trying these drugs, stop them...be stronger than the drug because if you never do the drug, you won't die from it....and I'm being serious. When I talked to Ilin as a young teen, I always said, " I know you are going to do things and try things, that is a known rite of passage, but I want you to know....never do heroin or meth....these are 2 drugs which you will never win with."
I reiterated this many times in Ilin's growing years and I feel that maybe it helped a bit to be honest. 
(A hard line sometimes has to be drawn) 

2. If you have younger siblings or friends...keep them from doing these drugs. 
They look up to you....
and you may think you don't have an influence, but you do.
The first time I heard to never do heroin, or ever even try it, was from my brother Jack....and I listened.
He looked me in the eye, and said'
"I've done a lot of stuff, but I will never shoot heroin, that shit will kill you, regardless of how good the high might be. Never do heroin, don't even try it.  Walk away if anyone tries to get you to do it or tries to make it sound good. It's bad, and it kills you"

3. If you know someone who is struggling, understand that this is not a game, and not a choice 
at a certain point, no one can help them except them selves, they have to try to get help on their own and it takes strength and the ability for failure. Often the type of people who get addicted to these drugs are not great at failure, so it is a vicious circle.....and they won't succeed without 100% support, regardless of the situation.
So if you know someone who is trying to get straight, don't push them in the wrong direction. 

Please.

4.losing anyone to an overdose is a horrible thing, but also, understanding that, most likely, dying was not their intent.... 

As Many of my good friends from my younger years can attest to....
with these drugs, there is no in-between. 
there is no...".I'll just do it today and then I'll be good for a a week....there is no, I'm pretty clean...."
5.The truth, the very hard shitty truth that no one speaks about because it sounds rough ( But sometimes we need some real life truth) either you are 100% clean and sober or you will eventually lose to the drug. 
This is a truth. 
so think about that,
 think about the pain to your friends and family that this may cause. 
Stop thinking it won't happen to you
....because...... 
we , this group of Elliots friends, family and lover, thought it would never happen to us..... 

I love you all and I want to see all our kids make it to their destination in life and fulfill their dreams, so start talking to your kids and friends and speak up!

 Jesus criminy....

if you, as a parent, think this is not in your kid's life...think again.
Ask them if they know anyone who does a little Molly, or smokes a little heroin in their weed?.
If you are ok with them vaping?....then you have a problem going on...
.ask them. you might be surprised...but you shouldn't be.

This little soul loved ice cream and sushi...
She danced and loved hip hop...
She didn't smoke cigarettes
then...
it became a thing, everyone was doing it.
then she met a person who said,
"You are beautiful, do this with me"
and it was about as simple as that...
One try...the wrong person, a weak hurt teen...
and then
we couldn't fix it.

xo

xox

xxooxx

write ya later,

m

fuck this shit