It's been a long time since anyone has sent me music.

People send me things to listen to, and things to laugh about, 

but when someone is connected to music and chooses something...

something

specifically for you and your heart

it's like getting an old school mixed tape.

it's a cool thing.

It brings back memories of old times.

Young hearts trying to relate through recommended books and songs.

If more people utilized music, songs, books, and poetry when connecting instead of Tinder....

well....

The game would be on a different level

Maybe most aren't intellectual enough for the "mixed tape"connection.

I remember how I would take days picking songs and putting them on the tape....but the true art form, along with song picking was the decorating of the case and the insert.  

I would use pictures and hand drawn art.

If someone took the time to do these things you KNEW they were thinking about you.

The 80s...

back when you had to answer the real phone ( on the wall)....

scream at your parent to hang up!...

talk all night,

write paper letters,

and master the late night mix tape....

the true art of love.

Therapy...

interesting. 

Imago Therapy.

I was told I need to sit and be uncomfortable, stew in my own stress so that I learn what pain and stress feels like instead of trying to automatically fix it, look for answers or sweep it under the rug.

I have been asked to wait before reaction.....

breathe and just know that even if I say nothing (near impossible)...

If I get no answer....

If I just sit and let whatever is happening happen

It will be ok.

I don't need to jump up and look for an answer or correct anything.

I need to understand that my heart is dealing with it's own trauma...

and the other person is too

It's not my fault and I cannot fix this alone...

this is trauma from childhood coming back to haunt me.

let it fester and figure it out so that I can stop fighting the same fight...

over and over,

year after year

lover after lover....

and any lover in my life really deserves the best, strongest, most beautiful parts of me

not the trauma.

My heart did used to shine....

My intention has never been to hurt 

But to love and be loved 

hard, passionate, deep

to shine 

with you.

This song Shine On by the Porters, I was not familiar...

I love it. 

and I thank you. 

I know you are there for me...

💙

Shine On

Deep in your heart there was once a diamond shining bright Every dark place you passed by turned into light But somebody broke into your heart and blew out your lights And your sparkling little diamond turned pale overnight What the hell has become of that pretty girl so sweet and nice Where have remaind your insatiable thirst after life Girl what ever they have done to you, where ever you are No ever so big force on earth could kill a burning hearts Shine on, shine on Don't let the bastards drag you down Shine on, like a torch burns in a storm Shine on and on, and keep the fire burnings Shine on, shine on, shine on Your train ran off the rails, hey girl you didn't lay the tracks If you wanna reach for the sky you have to go through hell and back Don't deliver girl, let me take you by the hand At the end of the rainbow the way of cross still ends Shine on, shine on Don't let the bastards drag you down Shine on, like a torch burns in a storm Shine on and on, and keep the fire burnings Shine on, shine on, shine on Shine on, shine on, shine on Shine on, shine on, shine on Shine on, shine on, shine on Shine on, shine on, shine on Don't let the bastards drag you down Shine on, shine on Don't let the bastards drag you down Shine on, like a torch burns in a storm Shine on and on, and keep the fire burnings Shine on, shine on, shine on Shine on, shine on, shine on Don't let the bastards drag you down