Growing out the Sparkle aka going grey

I have never been super confident.  Lately, the confidence has been struggling even more. Most likely due to the fact I am turning 50 in January. 

It's all fine and dandy, short of the fact I do have to look in the mirror occasionally.  

The mirror doesn't lie.

There is no filter, no little kitty ears and fake lashes to magically make one look 25 again....It's straight up shit lighting reality.

reality.....

no makeup , no curl , just me....although usually I'm pretty good about making a face in pictures. (this is a technique one uses to take the eyes of away from the truth of the picture)

me ...going out for easy dinner and a night with Michelle Obama.

Let's talk about this silver hair for just a moment.

I have people say, "You are so cool"

"you are so brave"

"You look gorgeous "

"You look old"

I think they are all pretty much correct.

I am all of those.

The silver hair is pretty cool, Should have done it much earlier.

I'll keep you posted on the progress.

sorry for the lacking post .

write ya later,

xo

m

Issues...pitiful, pitiful issues

Issue #1: My 5 year old hates me...Last night I went to bed in tears because for about the 25th time she has told me, "Momma, I wish you looked like her:"

her:

and yes, Her (my bestest girl ,Synda)

I know, I know...she's 5...she doesn't know what she is saying...I don't care...it sucks.
I know everyone in blog world lives these perfect enchanted lives where they have all day to go to the Organic Farmer's Market, french braid their daughter's hair, make blueberry crumble from scratch, create some sort of fabulous Etsy creation, and have dinner on the table for their husband who arrives home promptly by 5 pm from his perfect job, so that he can change clothes and help his family with arts and crafts before dinner.

My life is NOT that.
I bust my ass...I'm not always happy, I barely have time to take a crap, my 12 year old (who for the record, doesn't hate me yet, but will) has to help me vacuum and do the dishes(he's a boy), and I have had dried up cat vomit on my back porch under the swing for 4 days...I'm waiting for the rain to wash it away.
I have zits...I'm 40....
My 5 year old wishes she was with a different mom, well at least a different looking mom.
She even said to Daddoo, " Daddoo, wouldn't You like Mommy to be prettier?"
BAAAMMM!! ZING!!!!
ouch

Why does this bother me...?
I'm not sure. Maybe its a combination of things.
Maybe it's the recollection of my Mom telling me, "Honey, You are beautiful on the inside."
What kind of bull shit statement is that for a 12 year old?
When I was in school...I was a little chubbier, or Rubenesque as we called it in college.
I looked better..my face was round, they told me I looked like the girl from the Divynyls, Chrissy Amphlet
with a bigger nose.
I lost weight...now to me, I look like a man...whatever
I photograph like crap.
(ME...basically, with red hair)
after the kids...my hormones are whacked
(I don't know if other people have this problem, but I'm laying it out there)
My skin is yukky, I have hair everywhere...including a few chin hairs...
and the hair on my head is definitely not luxurious.
the Dr. said it's my age.
Really?
See those pictures above, the ones my daughter would like for her new Mom...
They are my age.