I had just had my baby
Isn't that always the way?
Uncomfortable for over 9 months.
Insecure and tired.
fat and alone
I knew it wasn't the first
second, or third time,
but it was the time I actually saw proof.
Left open on the shared computer, the emails.
setting up times.
My heart broke and it was the last time I ever trusted him.
ever.
I printed the emails and saved them.
I confronted and showed them
gaslighting....
"you are crazy. I was just looking. I would never do anything. you are so paranoid...."
and the best,
"you made me do this, because of your insecurities....I'm never good enough"
I turned a blind eye after that. I was told I was unattractive. I was called a nag. I was left to fend for myself, instead of being together ,we were now apart.
Very apart.
I had to get tested. I had to not ask questions so that I was not told I was a crazy person. My heart and mind KNEW there were more than 2 times. I knew it but could do nothing....
except wonder why I was never enough for him.
Now I know....
it wasn't me,
but it scarred me nonetheless
years and years
until I realized
it really
wasn't me.
The secret life I lived.
xo,
m
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