Reason 2008...

Not to have kids....You don't get to go to New Year's Parties, unless your friends have kids and are in the "loop". Our friends are having the "New Year's Eve Party of All Time" this year at their house. cool...love it...except it's an "adult party" which does not mean, everyone is dressed or undressed performing acts of S&M to ring in 2009, but means....NO KIDS. Whatever. I swore to myself at one point that I would never do that to my friends. (I do draw the line with dogs who grab things off the tables or pee in the corner at my house)...but kids, (even though I'm not a big fan)...Bring em...Have a cocktail, we'll put the kids downstairs with the stacks of DVD's and bowls of popcorn, containers of legos , and YOU my Friends...can relax....so, once again this year I'll be ringing in the New Year with my cheap bottle of bubbly, probably somewhere around 945...maybe that is when Japan rings in theirs and then hit the hay...just so I can get up and work again tomorrow. Wah Wah Wah. Screw it.

off the subject a bit...
Yesterday I got an email from Bobby ....
"wanna go to CA. for the weekend of the 17th?"

Holy shit?! Really...did he remember my birthday? He's actually going to take me somewhere, and he apparently has planned it, too. I wonder if my friends are in on this? I need a few days off so bad I can taste it. How awesome is this? What will we do with the kids and dogs?...who cares I'm sure he's thought it thru. My 40th birthday...He's going to bring it this time. I will be able to feel like a rockstar, getting on the redeye to fly into LA, party with old friends and head home on Sunday. YESSSS! As I start dreaming about it I email him back and say that sounds great...Sissy is coming the 20th...but the 17th is the weekend before right? How are we getting there. then I wait. I wait half the day for a reply, thinking he must be getting his ducks in a row. Then the emails come, one after the other...

"Well, I was thinking we could fly...but is that too much $$$?" ( I don't know,you should be planning it)

"Yeah the NAMM show is that weekend, I haven't been in years" ( What the Fuck? the NAMM show?...what about my 40th birthday? (for all of you not familiar, the NAMM show is a weekend convention which is equivalant to a Star Trek convention except it's for Guitar Nerds so you can only imagine) You MUST be joking? )
This is when my balloon burst. I should have known...He wasn't taking ME to CA. He needed to ask if he could go and figured that would be the right way to do it. My emails stopped at that point, either he had a moment of clarity, which I highly doubt, or thought he would let me think about it. When I got home I said, Really? the NAMM show? Why are you asking me to go, you don't want me to go...you want to take Olive and me to the NAMM Show? I have an idea, how about you fly yourself to the NAMM Show and enjoy yourself with your friends and I'll see ya next week. "Ok" he says..".sounds good, you sure it's ok if I fly?" whatever...Although just a wee bit in the back of my mind I think...I should say, you know what...WE do want to go...I think that would be great...We'll hang with ya all day at the NAMM show and make sure it's good and FUN for you...No, I wouldn't really do that....but I did think about it. So, for my 40th birthday week I get to lay around while he enjoys himself in Sunny CA.
Welcome 2009 Maybe things are going to change.
xo
m

Knitting under the influence

I walked in the door last night, a bit late but not bad, I did have to stop and feed a friend's cat, so not too late. "How are you?" I feel fine, I guess. I'm tired. I didn't sleep last night....my mind races when I'm sleeping. I often wake with a start, like the feeling when you have overslept the alarm. "I dreamt I could never potty train Olive and she had to go to college still in Pullups, then I chopped Ilin's head off for not cleaning his room and in the midst of all of that I was trying to take my NCLEX, but couldn't remember anything....so besides that , I'm fine" I popped open a beer. "Yeah, but how's the anxiety?" ........Oh yeah, that.
You see this Saturday I woke up fine. I actually had a pretty good sleep, no worries, just sleep. When I woke I felt a bit dizzy and my knees were a bit weak. Odd, but I am almost 40. I took a shower and could barely stand upright...and then a bit of tingling started in my arms....my chest hurts, right in the middle. "Bobby, I feel weird." "What do you mean weird?" "I feel like my chest is doing something weird...I can't breathe right"
I got out of the shower and just kind of tried to suck it up. I'm fine...I'm fine...about a an hour later we were sitting at the carwash waiting in line. "Bobby, I need you to take me to urgent care...I'm having a heart attack or something...I don't know...I feel,... not right." "Can we do the carwash first?" "I guess...just get me to the Urgent Care as soon as we are done"
By the time we got around the corner to the urgent care my head waas spinning, I was shaking like a leaf, I couldn't breathe and I really thought I was a goner.
They got me to the back hooked me up to the EKG...ran some tests and let me rest. The Dr. came back and asked me a few questions and then handed me a prescription for Xanax, told me to follow up with my Primary, and try to figure out what triggers it. "you mean I'm fine?" yup...Panic attack. Just realize you aren't going to die from it...that is the first step.

Well, that was pretty anti climatic, which is good I guess. We left, went to the mall and finished my day.
When I got home last night...the flutters in my chest were there again. Bobby wanted to eat Sushi so I drank my beer, said my "I'm not going to die" mantra in the back of my head and went to the Sushi place. I ordered a wine...relaxed, thought about the thin line between whack job and normal...the line I now appear to be wavering on. My life is normal, I'm busy, I do things, but my head races. Full of things I should do or haven't done....thoughts of cleaning base boards in the bathroom as I sit here and drink my wine....It's not normal....or is it? It's like having sex and thinking of the laundry that needs to be done...normal, yet not normal.
I ordered a saki..."How's the anxiety?" Stop IT...I'm fine...it's normal. Maybe I just need a few more lists, or a vacation or something. But in the back of my mind I know that I'm the person on the vacation who is fine the first day then starts thinking that I have only 5 more days of vacation...4 more days of vacation, 3 more days of vacation, gosh in 2 days we have to go back to crappy work... and how relaxing is that...maybe it's normal
Just let it go...breathe...I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die....Xanax won't let me.

Just in case you weren't familiar:

• Palpitations, pounding heart, or fast heart rate
• Sweating
• Trembling and shaking
• Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
• Feelings of choking
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Nausea or abdominal distress
• Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint
• Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
• Fear of losing control or going crazy
• Fear of dying
• Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
• Chills or hot flashes

Dun with Diamond Dave

my family is going through a VanHalen phase.
It's because of Booby (term of endearment)...
he loves to think he should have been in the band...except for the fact he wasn't a VH brother. He does play as well...
so, if you are a fan of Diamond Dave...take few minutes
smile, relax, enjoy the season

http://www.thetyser.com/


Pre holiday Bitchy is going through my office at an amazing pace...
Someone up front just yelled "FUCKING IDIOTS" (sounded like Napolean Dynamite)
and then threw the phone.
I've just been hiding at my desk avoiding all things fattening
and meditating with Diamond Dave

Eco Wrap anyone?

So this year I made a decision to not buy any more wrapping paper. I will use up what I have but instead of buying such a horribly wasteful item I put my little brain to work.
Here are a few things we came up with.
First and foremost : 100% recycled Kraftpaper.
I got it for $1.88 a roll for 50 ft at Walmart. (1.88!~!!!!!!)

I can recycle it with the paper with no guilt.
Olive has been coloring some....we did some stamps on some ...and we bowed them with left over yarn. Perfect

The second one we used: Olive's Coloring Book pages She had to willingly donate the pages then we taped them together and wrapped. She had some of those gigantic coloring pages, those were perfect.

Newspaper is good. although I don't get the paper, we got some from the neighbors.

Remember to save giftbags for reuse, and all the cards. We cut the cards for gift tags.

I found that you can actually save about 27$ dollars by not buying any new stuff....Yes I priced it out using Target wrapping paper prices ... 27$ is not much, but it bought 1 small Lego set (Bionicle) and 2 little puzzles, and a 10 starbucks gift card. See?

have you done it?

Swiped from Hazeljoy

Things you've already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven't done and don't want to - leave in plain font

1. started your own blog
2. slept under the stars
3. played in a band (I'm guessing marching band counts)
4. visited hawaii
5. watched a meteor shower
6. given more than you can afford to charity ...
7. been to disneyland/world Both! love this goofy place
8. climbed a mountain
9. held a praying mantis ...
10. sang a solo ...
11. bungee jumped ... ha ha ha
12. visited paris ... oh please...i soooo want to...actually i would rather go to Japan
13. watched a lightning storm at sea ... grew up in Destin,Fl...did my share of fishing
14. taught yourself an art from scratch
15. adopted a child
16. had food poisoning
17. walked to the top of the statue of liberty ... the good old days when you could walk the circular stairs right up to the torch
18. grown your own vegetables
19. seen the mona lisa in france ...
20. slept on an overnight train
21. had a pillow fight
22. hitch hiked ... i probably shouldn't admit it
23. taken a sick day when you’re not ill ... heehee
24. built a snow fort
25. held a lamb ... my first pet was a lamb named Irwin
26. gone skinny dipping ...ahhhhh
27. run a marathon ...does a 5k count? I've been doing those
28. ridden a gondola in venice....I'm guessing Vegas doesn't count
29. seen a total eclipse
30. watched a sunrise or sunset ... both
31. hit a home run ... by default, they missed it..grounder
32. been on a cruise ...
33. seen niagara falls in person
34. visited the birthplace of your ancestors ...
35. seen an amish community ...
36. taught yourself a new language yes but not fluent
37. had enough money to be truly satisfied...it's not much money, but I'm satisfied
38. seen the leaning tower of pisa in person ...
39. gone rock climbing ...Lord, I live in Boulder
40. seen michelangelo's david in person ... once again...Vegas doesn't count?
41. sung karaoke ... I sing horribly all the time.
42. seen old faithful geyser erupt
43. bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant ... her credit card was denied...I've done it at the grocery too
44. visited africa ...
45. walked on a beach by moonlight...
46. been transported in an ambulance ...
47. had your portrait painted ... ask anyone who's been to my house about the scary floating child Myssi in the basement...life sized
48. gone deep sea fishing
49. seen the sistene chapel in person
50. been to the top of the eiffel tower in paris ...
51. gone scuba diving or snorkelling ...
52. kissed in the rain
53. played in the mud ...all the time
54. gone to a drive-in theatre ...yuppers
55. been in a movie ...I was on the Bozo show and Sesame Street Live
56. visited the great wall of china
57. started a business ...Goat Girl Soaps
58. taken a martial arts class
59. visited russia
60. served at a soup kitchen
61. sold girl scout cookies. i buy the hell out of them
62. gone whale watching
63. gotten flowers for no reason...I hope best friends count
64. donated blood
65. gone sky diving
66. visited a nazi concentration camp
67. bounced a check....shhhhhh
68. flown in a helicopter ... pukey
69. saved a favorite childhood toy ... i save too much
70. visited the lincoln memorial
71. eaten caviar ...
72. pieced a quilt, but not finished
73. stood in times square ...
74. toured the everglades ...grew up in FL...so not only toured them played in them...
75. been fired from a job...dishwasher at age 15...I told the Chef he was a flaming Asshole
76. seen the changing of the guard in london ...
77. broken a bone...finger and toe
78. been on a speeding motorcycle ...
79. seen the grand canyon in person
80. published a book
81. visited the vatican
82. bought a brand new car
83. walked in jerusalem
84. had your picture in the newspaper ...
85. read the entire bible .. I was raised Catholic...enough said
86. visited the white house
87. killed and prepared an animal for eating ... i am a vegetarian!...yup...hence the reason I'm vegetarian
88. had chickenpox ...
89. saved someone’s life..not yet...
90. sat on a jury
91. met someone famous -
92. joined a book club..but all they did was talk about getting laid...i swear I was the only one who read the book
93. lost a loved one...too many
94. had a baby ...too many
95. seen the alamo in person. and ya know what? there's no basement
96. swum in the great salt lake.
97. been involved in a law suit
98. owned a cell phone
99. been stung by a bee...stupid bees

I've done more than I thought