Please don’t tell me

roby dwi antono

please tell me this isn't my best life.

What a weird time it is, yet life must continue.

it must.

As a nurse I laugh daily....

as I take my temp for the billionth time before work

as they tell me " no masks are available"

as friends say " really?, you are going to go hang out with other friends?"

Yes...

Self distancing does not mean death or self destruction

or self isolation

we still must live.

My ex still sits on the couch every day.

same spot

same clothes

wont talk....

wont leave the house...

my house too 

yet I have been banned 

our divorce court date is pushed out to possibly June

Who has a fucking year long divorce?

me 

and him

at work ...

we closed today (surgery center) so I am moving to the hospital once again with people wishing me well and health.

but as a nurse I smile and go, and know that this is what my oath said...

care for others 

this is what we train for.

I am not alone.

at home my heart is with a man who apparently adores me and I can't quite figure it out

it is stressful and good at the same time.

Is it a joke? what the hell?

Is this what people really have in real life.....?

what I have been missing for all these years?

I am beside myself and baffled 

so, tonight t as I drink a vodka tonic and write I worry about the next few weeks.

I don't worry about my health....

I worry about others and the economy....

and how we will recover as a community,

healthcare workers will be fine

but will 

we 

all 

in the end?

xo

write ya later 

m