Everybody is a Nurse day #5 of the 21 day countdown

the first day....well...

it as a day...

a hell of a day

I guess we all know that you never quite understand something until you see it first hand or you experience it.

After 9 hours of bullshit orientation...standard nurse stuff such as paperwork , pictures, and HIPPA...we were taken to tour the floors.  

When we first arrived in NYC, they asked us our specialties. I had no reason to lie (although I heard that some people did so that they could get into different areas) so I just said PPU/post Cath, groin management, Telemetry and anything under...Because that is what I can do and sometimes , in my opinion....I'm not even that good at those.  

Upon being hired they were very clear we could end up on any department, any specialty, and we needed to verify that it was understood.  Well.... I understood,...What I didn't understand was the lack of resources, the real lack of any training, or help, and the severity of the illness.  

I want to say that these hospitals have great nurses and doctors, but you can only imagine coming to work day after day, your co-workers are falling ill, or not showing up and the new influx of Covid patients have literally taken over the hospital.

These hospitals are 100% Covid + patients.

I don't know where the normal sick/stroke/heart attack/ 

patients go now...but these hospitals we are sent to are 100% covid hospitals...

even Mom and baby floor.

We were all grouped together and the team lead looked around and said,"what do you do...?"

I said ,"Tele and PPU/groin management stuff"

she smiled and said 

"Great...ICU nurse....let's go"

and she took me to a wonderfully perfect older African American woman straight from Atlanta and dropped me in her lap.

"Show her the ropes, she's on her own tomorrow'

I had heard that this is what happens, but I just couldn't believe it.

The lady smiled and said "how are you with vents and Dialysis?"

The tears welled up, I kept it together and said...

"I have no idea, I have never done either, but I'll follow you and if you just explain stuff I may be of some help?"

"Well gown up little mamma and lets get to gettin"

In Covid rooms we must don and doff every single time you enter or exit and it is not only a pain in the ass it makes you so paranoid you can't think straight.

Is my gown on, oh shit is that a tear....I'm gonna get sick!

Every single time....

so if you get in the room and need a pen...you must follow the steps again....and you just can't rush it.

For 4 hours I did my best to watch her do dialysis (CRRT) run the ventilation, and make sure the medicines were all what he needed...she did all with a semi smile in her eyes and explained everything I asked....

she was so helpful...

I thanked her profusely as I left and thought....

there is no way I can do this   they cannot put me in there

I will kill a patient....

I cried all the way home...

called all my icu nurse people

I cried myself to sleep,

prayed I would not end up there again....

got up the next morning....

and guess where I ended up?

Not the beach...

the ICU....

this time on my own.

And here is what I learned from a most fabulous Hospitalist, Dr. Anderson,...

It's ok...

scenario:

Me sweating bullets trying to suction the covid outta this intubated patients nose and mouth....Yall have no idea how much I hate snot and phlegm....covid snot is yellow green, so thick it looks like bubble gum, and comes from their mouth and nose...even though there is a tube in there.

so thick you can hardly move it.

As I struggled the Dr looked over and asked how I was...I laughed like the joker....

she said"you an ICU nurse?" I said , "do I look like a damn ICU nurse??"

She smiled and said, "guess what?....Everyone is an ICU nurse now!  promotion"

Then this:

"no seriously, we are all so grateful you all came to help, every thing you do is going to help every person in this hospital.  you will not hurt this patient....actually nothing you could do either way could make this patient worse.  

You are amazing..."

***Nothing you can do can make this worse....this is the worst."***

Every person in this hospital is covid_19 +, even the babies.

I'm not sure what the exact % is that dies, but I believe it is most ,

its real

I'm tired

m