longest day and memories...christmas morning

 Life is short...

today, my son hung himself

he is still alive, 

It is not his time

and I hope he will soon understand that he has so much to still give to this world...

that his light has only begun to shine,

even though his head and heart are so heavy he is unable to carry them alone.

We will carry it all for you,Blue....

until you are strong enough

 and the light is bright enough

for you to see the

path 

your beautiful path 

once again 

❤

the call was the same as the one I received the day his girlfriend was found dead from accidental overdose in the bed next to him.

My son, 

he carries the world in his head and his heart,

He has not done art in a year and that, too, has weighed heavy

upon his soul.

We have all been in dark spaces 

We have all had a time when life is so heavy that it seems we 

cannot

continue 

another day

But the next day will most likely never be as bad as the moment you

attempted....

to leave this planet

and us....

you still have so much to give this planet

so much to teach to others

so much love to give

and ....

love to receive....

I promise.

I promise

it is just waiting for the perfect moment

thank you

for 

staying

xo,

m

"acute attempt by hanging 

non diagnosable"

this occurs when the weight of life is too hard to handle and the coping skills are low to none

often seen in abused and abusive relationships and PTSD...

 where one loses the ability to momentarily rationalize

Not due to diagnosable severe depression or mental illness.

if the weight of the world is suffocating you

tell someone

call 911, call anyone ....

and I do realize the weight of the phone is often as heavy as the moment you decide you cannot go on.

It will get better.  

It will

I promise.

national hotline

800-273-8255

long term effects from hanging survival is unknown...

physical and of course mental

many see hope after surviving....

many do not.

many have resources and support...

many do not

Many have the ability to have people care for them and help....

many fall right back into the situation which put them there

Blue...

we will forever fight for your light

there is a reason

mom

Message from the Universe

"Next time you make a wish, m, wish for what is, because really and truly, things don't get much better than this.

There is a purpose, a plan, and a reason for all things. What doesn't make sense, will make sense. You are exactly where you should be; your challenges are what they should be; your rewards are what they should be; and the best is yet to come. Time has served you well. Love is in the air. And you're looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you."

Really. I think to myself? It doesn't get better than this? I do realize things happen for a reason and I'm willing to give up the idea I can't control things, but jeez. Boulder Foothills are burning down. I like to believe it's because all of these Californians moved here and brought their freaky weather with them, but I know, even when I'm a bit on the tipsy side that this revelation cannot be true. I waited last night for the hospital call tree (where you have to go back to work for mass casualty)to go off, but I didn't really think about it til my head hit the pillow, then I ran around like a chicken missing it's head looking for my cell phone. Luckily, they didn't call me. My brother has a house up on Lee Hill and Hippie Sue lives up there too. she informed me this morning she is packed and ready if need be, but the winds (108 mph) have finally died down.

Things like this make my personal life seem like a joke. Must I complain? Yes. But does it matter in the large spectrum of things? No. Perspective at it's finest.

Yesterday I received an email from Boob..."luv U"....Really? Seemed fishy.

So I know refer back to my message from the Universe this morning:There is a purpose, a plan, and a reason for all things. What doesn't make sense, will make sense. You are exactly where you should be; your challenges are what they should be; your rewards are what they should be; and the best is yet to come. Time has served you well. Love is in the air. And you're looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you.

The letter from Booby, doesn't make sense. I am exactly where I should be: work? are you sure I shouldn't be on the beach somewhere working on my novel?...My challenges and my rewards are what they should be...and the best is yet to come?..well according to my issues I had yesterday...I'm frightened. You are looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you?: Fire of the foothills?...is it similar to pink lighting?...or is all the smoke that is making me look better?

Those are my questions to the Universe.

Do you believe things happen for a reason? I do, but I don't know if I always agree with the reasoning.

xoxo

write ya later,

m