Today

is not one of my favorite days.

exhausted

still
27 days of bleeding...tell me any normal person could withstand the torment.  I don't mind blood, its the time it takes to take care of it.
The Dr. even said, "wow, has it been like this the entire time?"
A battery of test and no answers.  Lab today, pelvic ultra sounds on Tuesday....
they worst part is you just have to keep going on.

I'm cranky and trying to hide it is getting harder.
I'm gardening a lil bit at a time.  2 pots here, a few more additions to my beer bottle garden bed, back and forth and everything still looks so incomplete.

I wish I had a better eye for that stuff.
im gonna nap...
then pretend I didn't for when everyone comes home.

write ya later

White is not the new Black...or Brown

I feel like this, take it for whatever you think.

Looks cozy huh?

I woke up early after a night of crazy dreams and thoughts.

I have been watching Sons Of Anarchy on netflix and it gives me stress.

Seems odd when I think of it, considering I did my punk rock years growing up around skinheads, bikers and many fist fights.

That must be the only reason I can't handle even watching them on TV anymore.  Because I know when that fist hits the jaw, people don't just fall over, they see dancing bears on unicycles and sometimes don't rise very quickly.

Seeing all the Aryan Nation stuff on the show reminds of my college days in Gainesville.

Something many people would not even fathom.

In Fl. the Aryan Nation is quite a recruiting team.  You know, the Army, Airforce, Marines, then the Young Nationals.  

Nice white shirts, suspenders, shiny boots and that great 9th grade education.

(they like to keep the lower end dumb)

Often mistaken for Mormons or boyscouts.

I was never afraid, although maybe I should have been.

They ran in my circle of people, I knew them, drank beer with them, went to shows with them...they seemed fine to me...

until they started spouting off their pea brained ideas.  But if it was just to see a Bad Brains show, they were the ones to go with.

People moved out of the way, you always got front and center, and they actually treated the girls with respect.

They don't always come looking like this:

pretty easy to see and avoid...

because sometimes they look like this:

link to article

and the one above usually has a family attached to it.

An often normal looking family unless you see the dad in his swimtrunks and can see the markings.

So, what I'm saying is...back to the point.

Sons of Anarchy gives me nightmares, because I remember living around it.

Maybe its what shaped my "be open to all"

atitude now.

Maybe this is also why I don't think an eye for an eye is the right thing in all events.

People have the right to their own ideas and beliefs in America....

From Left to Right, gay to straight, white to black, and yellow to brown.

That is why people come here.

we can't just live in fear of the person sitting next to us on the plane...

There are different beliefs all around us, in each and every state and country.

I'm not saying : if you can't beat them join them....

I'm saying :

Be the change you want to see.

Mingle, discuss intelligently, listen with open ears, and do the right thing.

Everyone deserves an opinion and a voice, even if it is stupid...(you know what I mean)

and don't watch Son's of Anarchy before bed

 write ya later

m

Personal, gross, and sad....all in one post

I'm just going to say it.  It's been on my mind for about 3 weeks now and since this is my blog I can post it no matter who grosses out or whatever.

I have been bleeding for 3 weeks straight now.  

Perimenopause?

I don't know...don't know at all.  Short of being an RN and knowing that I usually only have a 5 day period it has made me extremely depressed, a wee bit frightened, and on top of that irritated.

As a woman, our lives seem to revolve around bleeding,childbearing, bleeding and then death.  No happy inbetween.  Now what do I have to look forward too?   More facial hair, dried up cooch, and crumbling bones.  It came to my realization yesterday that, "what is the point?"  

what is the point of working out, of caring...of pretty much anything right now.  So,I can look good in my casket?

I have run out of period panties and they have ALL become period panties.

pretty soon I may just need a period diaper.

I realize that most of you who read this are way too young to even understand the fear and anger that this is coming with...which is really strange.  I never thought I would say that considering I don't plan on having any more kids.  

Maybe I'm mostly nervous about something being wrong.

Maybe it is the inability to really tell anyone because our periods are so taboo.

I am going to go lay down, because I have been dizzy and tired...and I have to work.

no biggie...

none at all

and yes, I made a dr. appointment so no need for the lecture

I may be dramatic, but I'm not an idiot.

upholstery...try

I figured if this guy (who I Loooove)

can get this guy (who i didn't love)

I could attempt to conquer that chair I have been trying to reupholster.  

see this post

That ugly stained purple chair. 

I ripped it all apart,  I bought the material, laid it out, then moved it to the basement to think about it....for a loooooong time.   

Yesterday I started again.

I'm slow mover...

slow and steady.