Kinda gross...but real

(if you could only see a bit closer I'm wearing a Tshirt that says Boys Lie...and those are real jeans...not maternity)

That was me 4 weeks before giving birth to said monster below.

I have a few friends who are pregnant right now and I want them to know it's not too bad (hahahaha)

The picture above was probably a Saturday night before I'm heading out to the dive of choice to suck down my non alcoholic beer and plate of nachos.  I look back and think...I was cute.  Remember...1.  I do not photograph well and 2.  I am 5' tall...so I was HUUUGE!!!

I gave up a ton...but was paid off by delivering this little bundle of joy on 6/26/2004

She was somewhere around 9#...and they super glued that ribbon on her head with KY Jelly (I kid you not)

She is almost 5 now and still has that scowl.   

Childbirth is crazy...it's the hardest thing you will ever do...initially.  Then you discover that raising kids is even harder.  I honestly believe this is why they make us so goddamn strong and bitchy...We can give birth and protect our young like nobodies business, yet we can also turn on a dime and kick their asses to the curb when need be.

I want to tell my few friends that I was an amazing pregnant chick.  I mowed the lawn and worked (waiting tables) until I gave birth...well actually I was painting the ceiling in the bedroom when I went into labor...  

Birth is beautiful and ugly...wrapped into one odd package.  Your Vajayjay will never be the same...yet it doesn't seem to matter...It's a secret club.  You get a break for a while.  Woman talk to you about stuff you couldn't even imagine.  If you just keep it light and open your mind you will hear amazing stories of birth and life.

You are going to love ....

most of it...

and when you want to hear the truth about something ask...there will be plenty of Mama's who will tell you the honest truth....yet they will also tell you "I can't really remember...I think you really forget that part."

You will lead your own path, you will have help...but most of all you will have joined the secret club.

***ps...the boobs are the saddest part...My boobs got to an overwhelming 44DD...it was gross

Fatty Tuesday

Back...it's Tuesday, I thought it was Wednesday, but it is Tuesday and not just any Tuesday...
Fat Tuesday. Where us Catholics (practicing or NOT) feel the need to get it out of our system before that man comes crawling out from behind the rock to save our souls.
I woke up this morning thinking about not just Fat Tuesday, but the fat on my little ass. 5:15 am I looked at the clock and said, "get up, please M, just Try...you won't have **time (**you will be too drunk ) to work out this afternoon, so get up." I thought good and hard about Jillian Michaels and the Shred Video waiting for me and turned over and went back to sleep for 30 more minutes.

When I did get, up I did NOT do the video as I had intended but did grab my sneaks to run on lunch so that counts right? While I am on the subject of the Shred video....I like it. 3 levels 20 minutes and my legs hurt. Here's a question I pose to you. Is it possible that my ass has raised itself up a bit which in turn is making my pants a bit tight around my hips? I am on week 3 of doing this video about 5-6 times a week...I have not lost a single pound, but the tops of my thighs are like rocks (no joke) , stomach is pretty tight (minus the little layer of baby fat), and I swear to God that my ass is moving up. Usually I would not be fond of my ass moving because when you hear this you think of jiggle type movement, but I think my ass is moving north. Which is a good thing because when you are 5'1" you don't want anything to move South...

I have 13 weeks=91 days to get fit. I think that is ample time. I still haven't taken a picture, but I'm going to blame that on Synda, because SHE won't take a picture I don't want to either...but I think it may be the only way to tell if my Ass is moving North.

<~~this is....not me, but it could be,but it's not.
Back to Fatty Tuesday...

we will be going to the Lefthand Taphouse to enjoy beer and drag. Join us if you are in the area.
I'll be the one with the fabulously North Ass...if you are looking to say, Hi.

xox
write ya later
m

El Luncho...minuto thoughtos

I used to work with these Hispanic guys who would always just put an 'O' or an 'A' on the end of everything.
I know it's not Spanish, definitely not English...and I'm guessing by the way they would always say things, it's not Spanglish either. Yet I still do it...and it cracks me up.
Right now I'm eating El Luncho...then later I will get in my Trucka and drive to my Casa.
me? Mui Intelligente...o....

A couple of craptastic thoughts I've been thinking about while dining on my el Luncho...
You people do realize that when you pull into a parking spot there is a right direction and a wrong direction? Don't give me that stuff about being a female and not being able to park. That doesn't fly with me. I can parallel park a 1950 Ford Coupe like Danica Patrick drives F1's...yet I can't pull my stupid not so mini-van into a regular parking space to the left. I will drive around a parking lot until the perfect space appears...I don't fear for my car...it's the other cars I feel fear for. So I save myself the stress and always park to the right. It's like my big penis...it has to go the right.

me(well what I think I would look like), not happy about parking
www.youparklikeanasshole.com

Yesterday when I went to the grocery I slowly drove the correct direction down the parking row...with the spaces pointing TOWARDS me. Find one...start to pull in and this ding a ling in a huge ass Lexus is PULLING THRU!!!! look...you don't pull through. It puts you aiming the wrong direction upon discharge. Needless to say I about nailed her. She gave ME the stupid woman look, hands in the air, confused, and telling me to back up!. Criminy lady. You don't Pull THRU!... I backed up(that's the kinda girl I am) and had to circle around again. It made me think. People just don't take the time to learn the proper etiquette and road rules to driving. To me it's like backing in. It's fine if your car fits the spot, but if you back in, and the car is close to the line...you throw the entire parking area off by 6 inches. So just don't do it...unless you are 75+ and don't give a rat's ass about parking spaces...(which is partial reason Handicap spaces are sooo wide).

My lifeo...mucho boringo...
these are the things I think about.

My el Luncho is calling me

Pathophysiology

Dammit...
173 QUESTIONS
26 pages front and back

multiple choice, multiple answer (select all which apply), T/F, and fill in the blank....


i missed 49
I'll be lucky if I get a 72...
Criminy

uh huh

Here's my day today.

I went to the Lefthand brewery  drank my share of SnowBound 14% beer and am now sitting here listening to Lilly Allen's Smile   ...yeah..just go ahead and smile..thinking about more beer.. but needing to study... Pathophysiology   wanting to get laid...seems more important to fix the problem and the need...  wanting to be needed and accepted, and possibly loved.  I look at my body and say...not so bad, maybe even beautiful in a piece of art type of work ...tattoos, white skin...soft, lovely...now that i am working to rid myself of the angry chub, he says curves are beautiful, thin is gross..."soft is what I want"

hmmmm...everything separate from my thoughts.

i look down and think...not bad..pretty, colorful, thoughtful, and ....

gotta study