A letter to p90X...a hate letter.

Dear P90x....

I hate you.  I hate the music, I hate the "bring it", and I hate the look of my new shiny pull up bar.  I wanted to love you.  I really did.  I wanted to love you as much as I love Jackie Warner,and her spray on abs and gayalicious workout crew, but I just can't.  I'm not ready to leave you, just yet....but the days are getting close.   Jillian Michaels warned me with the secret voice I hear through the DVD, " Don't go to the Dark Side...stay here with me and just do 20 minutes at a time....I won't ever fail you."  

Every time I do one of your horrendous hour long workouts I can't sit on the toilet the next day.  It makes me angry.  I don't care for dangling over the toilet seat.  It causes splash back, even if I am only 5 feet tall.

If I workout with you, I can't run, because it hurts.  I often can't even hold in my stomach after the 20 minute ab ripper.

The daily workouts make me crazy obsessed with time management.  "when can I fit in an hour long workout!?  I gotta find time to eat!!!   I have to work tonight and if I do an hour arm workout I won't be able to turn the steering wheel on the car to get to work."

The kids think I live in the basement.

I put on sweatpants and sports bras everyday...and that is sooooo not me.

Doing pushups 8 different ways is over kill.  The trooper that I am, I still attempt to do them all 8 ways, even if Bobby did suggest my shoulders were starting to look a bit manly.  

I hate Kenpo.  The moves are confusing and I seem to use more brain muscle than ass muscle. My brain is tight...my ass, not so much. 

Your Yoga sucks...It's hardly relaxing.  The 15 minute repetitive downward dog is like a tryout for the Diamond Cabaret Gentleman's Club.  Although I am doing it, I am not body worthy of the Diamond Cabaret just yet.  Although if you were to peek into the basement you would throw dollar bills at my downward dog.  

I have looked at almost every single before and after picture on the world wide web of your "cult" and my body is NOT doing what those peoples bodies have done.  Why?

I just don't get it.  I work hard....I "bring it" about 7/8ths of the way 97% of the time.

You obviously don't understand I have to get into a swimsuit in July.

You just don't seem to care.  I hate you....

Ps.

I really hate the one legged guy who can do Plyometric jumps faster, higher and better than me...and I have 2 legs.

P90x   I hate you.  I want to break up, but I have to find a new obsession first, then you are sooooo outta here.

m

365 days of my life #99

365 days of my life, originally uploaded by v8grrl.

the Sleepover is going as anticipated....tears, fighting, screaming and some bracelet making....

oh yeah, and the whip cream incident

Just don't wear Purple

Last night was my 5 year anniversary at the hospital.  They spend all the money we should probably get in raises and bonuses on this yearly employee banquet, or so it seems.  Free dinner, open bar and free parking.  All to recognize the work we do as low end community hospital employees.  

I had asked Bobby if he would join me at this shindig, I don't usually attend, but figured it was the adult thing to do.  Bobby begrudgingly said yes.

We arrived halfway through "social hour"...thank god.  Let me rephrase that, if I hadn't given up drinking for Lent it would have been a different story....Open bar, people I could care less about and free little quiches.  Bobby got himself a Fat Tire and Babbled on three or four minutes about how he swears it isn't Fat Tire....they must have but Abbey or Coors Light into the Fat Tire bottle.  Yeah, shut up and drink it. 

 People meandered about in the ball room which was louder than an airplane hanger full of screaming lemurs.  That's nurses for ya.  Eventually they will learn that not everyone is deaf, and you can talk at a lower level and still be heard.  But not tonight.

"hi, Myssi, wow...you clean up well."

???

"Look at Youuuu, you look great."

wtf? 

I didn't realize I usually look like shit.  I mean, the light is a little bit better in here, but really?

Bobby kept asking, "Who is that?  What is that person't name?"  

I don't know...can't remember...???

"you do work with these people right?"

YESSSS, I just don't remember...they all look the same.

I wish I was drinking.

We wandered into the dining area to find our table.  #50...Is that where the aliens arrived? No, that's area 51...ok...good...you could have fooled me.

Let me just tell you something.  This is a note to everyone.  As you get older, I don't care what Maya Angelou says....forget the Purple, ditch the magenta, try a bit of slimming Black, and not in MooMoo style. 

this is what the buffet line looked like to me

 What the hell? Is there a store called Smocks and Frocks?  Where do they get this stuff?   Don't do it.  Would have been better off wearing your scrubs, in dayglo pink.

And Men...It's not a safari, put on something other than khaki pants and fleece pullover.

I realize it's Boulder, but not Africa.  

Before my ass hit the seat, Bobby pointed out that all the larger older folk were all ready in line to eat.  Wow, they must know something we don't so we scrambled for the line...safely hidden behind a large magenta wearing lady.  We made it through the line, getting the typical salad and non exciting food.  Bobby got some sliced RoastBeef that was cold as ice cubes and I was scurried off to the "vegetarian section" where they piled my plate full of crap like overcooked zucchini and eggplant, blech...whatever happened to ol cheese lasagna and a piece of bread?

I don't know, these things aren't my thing, unless someone slips off the stage, or drops their entire plate of food.  No one got crazy drunk and ripped their shirt off.  (or smock, probably because smocks are hard to maneuver)

The only exciting thing was that I won the center piece on the table.  I gave it to the lady across from me, who honestly looked sad she didn't win it.

I hope that didn't count as my date night...although I did hear Bobby say "this is great,  I get off free, minus the gas money, for date night" to someone.  damn him.

next year I'm drinking, Lent or no Lent.

Ps I did steal a small plate and pile it full of all the leftover desserts that were on our table.  Ghetto?  Yes...

but oh so rewarding.

write ya later,

m

365 days of my life ....exhausted

Sleep never comes easy for me.  My mind races like I'm racing in a Nascar.  It makes me miserable.  So much so that my teen has started asking, as a daily gauge, "How'd ya sleep?"

That way he knows if he should actually talk to me or just run and hide.

I believe the racing of the mind may be the worst.  Maybe you have experienced such a thing.  As my tired brain, encased inside my sleepy head hits the pillow I start thinking of working out....the stuff I didn't do.... the art project I want to do...the junk cabinet that needs cleaned out.  Did anyone feed the cat, who moved out of the house into the neighbor's front yard since it stopped snowing?   Is the pipe still leaking?  Man, I hate cooking dinner.  What if someone dies on my shift?  Why is Olive so mean all the time.  How much longer til Easter when I can have a cocktail?  I wish the dog would quit licking it's balls, I  hate that smacky sound.  damnit to hell I'm tired!

You know the usual stuff.

I want to sleep.  Sleep like Bobby does, not a movement all night.  He can sleep right through the smoke detector alarm right above our bed.

is there any cure for this?

I'm so tired, and I can feel myself aging every night I only sleep 4 hours.

vacations....always seem to find the $$$

I can wander around this house like an ol miser. 

 "NO, that's too expensive....NO...get the cheap stuff!!!  NO NO NO"

yet I always seem to find the dough for vacations.

Maybe its a hidden talent.

???

Of course if something bad happens our measly savings is now invested in 9 days of plane tickets and condos in Destin, FL.

heehee

Along with our summer shindig.  Bobby and I will be taking our first vacation EVER without the kids.  Not really a vacation, but he will be playing a festival n Ca.  

The Indie West Fest

http://indiewestfest.com/

All kinds of great bands...go check it out.

Anyways, anyone in that area over the 6/4 weekend?

what is there to do in CA ?

I want to stay a night in Hollywood...

We will see.

Would love to have someone take me shopping and out to eat.

:)

mmmmm vacations