Me....
The Good, the Bad , and the oh so Ugly
But wait....
don't run away, I'm trying to fix it...
well, to fix what I can....To adjust and try to
"clean up my side of the street"
mike kloepfer
"is this a midlife crisis?...seriously?"
Well, M, for women, 50 is the middle and you are having a crisis, so to me...this is the exact definition of midlife crisis.
"Thank God I'm not paying for this therapy... hahaha"
I'm here to help.
M, let's talk about it. As I hear you, you are not in crisis mode, but you are in a change mode. This we can deal with rationally and , as you like, in steps.
I like it.
No crisis, bo panic....just one step at a time.
So, as we discussed my current situation as it had fallen the past couple of weeks I was in a more stable situation. Head has cleared a bit, my panic for my son has settled into just an underlying fear and I am back out into my habitat of doing....
I got a trainer at the gym
Rode the motorcycle
Read
Went out without crying
and had time to be
Therapist was good with all that
So, we got back at the task at hand. What do I do? Is it as terrible as my mind is having me think....?
Do I just need to re-evaluate and come at things at a different angle, do I accept these things?
Or do I plan a change...
change?....change....
M, you cannot change him...he is not here and I do not care for couples therapy.
What do you think about for your near future?
"I think that I am getting old. Things are not horrible, I don't mind the roommate aspect because I have some ambient noise that keeps me calm....but I need more intimacy, connection and support."
(to keep this post short...here was the discussion and tasks)
" I want to accept my role in life, my mistakes, my personality and my things I honestly want to change....I don't want to change anyone...I'm learning, that is not my job in this life."
The session was quite eyeopening and helpful. Just as I cannot read other's minds , they cannot read mine. As I type this little bit of knowledge I am doing in so to laugh a bit and own it.
1. Please and thank you..."it's manners"
It is ridiculous that I think my friends know I mean "please and thank you"...everyone likes to be graciously acknowledged and that includes me, so I need to start realizing my bossy ass must do this.
I know I am bossy so I am going to try to tame that shit down too.
In terms of bossy....we discussed how growng up with 8 older brothers and 3 older sisters and a Mom who raised strong opinionated kids, I was expected to say what I needed and what I wanted.
Knowing where this comes from, maybe I can stop it. You don't have to be bossy to be assertive. BOOM... knowledge
2. Intimacy starts with conversation
Conversation...??
Use open ended questions and ....here it is, the game changer for me....
open ended and then shut the fuck up.
Sir, I'm not sure....nervous I suppose....
3. Let's get your side of the street clean.
This THIS this right here....
Three years and O will be on her own numerically.
"But I can't wait that long..."
M, it may take you that long to get your side of the street clean. When you walk away you do not want to be dragging a trash bag with you. You want to know your side was clean and that you looked it all over and did what you could to make it tidy and ok for the next person.
You cannot clean the other side, that is for the other person.
So, I have my little poker stick and bag, and I'm wandering back and forth....picking up my mistakes and bullshit. Talking to people and saying , "hey correct me gently when I do that , ok? I want to be a better person and it's gonna take some work."
The last bit of time was talking about my heart.
What do I see? Who do I see? What do I want?
We discussed my need for closeness, intimacy and touch.
She validated that.
THAT, M is a real thing, that is NOT asking for too much, and honestly I cannot say I would put up with as much as you have, or lack of.
"But what do I do?"
Keep cleaning, we talked about the people in your life, your loves, your friends. Your needs are justifiable, maybe you try and discuss it.
"I cannot, it causes a fight, makes me feel small, makes me feel gross, makes me feel unwanted, makes me feel pointless"
M, there are people, from what I can tell, who are waiting for you. Have the discussion. It's not crisis, it is life...and life is not meant for guilt, it is to be enjoyed in whatever manner you have decided is for you....
Andrew Petcher
I have homework this week
I sweep, I write the letters, I manage my tone and my heart....
and see what happens.
Write ya later,
m
ps:
I miss you
