Think You Got It......

Self care, yup....I'm really horrible at it.  Actually I hate it.  As someone once told me, it is probably because I feel that I don't deserve it.  Which is pretty accurate.  With that said, I made an appointment with a private trainer....well 12 appointments.  I will inevitably have to show some accountability to myself for 12 times ....maybe at that point it will become a habit...bwahahahaha

OI showed up and he was waiting with bells on.  After a short interview of health history, work history , schedule, medications, basic knowledge....my heart finally settled down enough to pay attention. " Why the fuck am I so nervous?" I thought to myself.  He's here to make me healthier, stronger, and whatever else a 52 year old lady can accomplish.   We talked about my goals.  1. My ass is not fitting into my 25 year old jeans anymore.  2. I'd like to feel stronger.  3. Healthier.  4. Body fat lower.

"Great start", he said....."Let's go hop on the scale and the body fat evaluator".  

We had already discussed my scan from 2.5 years ago.  Body fat was around 22% which I would like to be below.  I step on  the scale thing.  Really how does this thing work?  How can it tell my body fat from me stepping on the scale then putting my arms out and thumbs on a button?   seems a bit iffy to me.

Whatever, I'll go with it.  it said I weighed 117# with 44% muscle and 29% body fat.

Dont even wat to know what the other 27% is...(beer? Anger? French bread?)

FATTY

I'm obese. which surprised me.  well not obese, but what we would call skinny fat at this point.

The Commander said, "It's perfectly doable, to get you down to under 21%....it will take longer than 6 weeks, but you can do it"

On that note...we started our pre workout evaluation.   

Deadlifts, planks, squats, pushups, barbell presses,  lunges  core, row machine, TRX and some crazy ab thing with the stability ball called " the triple threat".

By the end of the first session I decided Cody ( Commander) and I were no longer friends.

He commended me on my deadlift form so that was good.

Other than that 

I hate myself for having signed up AND PAID for 12 expensive private sessions.

Commander and I have another date for an hour session on Friday.

I'm 52

All the women at work, young and old get Botox and filler....

I refuse.

Facials and Lash extensions 

(this is what happens when the Dr you work for owns an aesthetics/plastic center connected to your surgery center.

DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS

I refuse.

I swear I will age ( duh) 

I'm not fighting it....

But I will keep my body and heart as healthy as possible.

I'm typing this as I drink a Vodka in bed.

So, Friday it is....

Workout #2

I'm pretty sure anger is not going to drive me to be more productive....

but you know what will?

Embarrassment 

Fear of Failure

Self Hatred 

there we have it

Self Care

Girl, Ya think ya got it?

Hey,Ya 

I might got it

Write ya later,

Your 29% luscious fatty girl,

M

Let's go there...Dad Bod

Been hearing a lot about "Dad Bod" lately.

I'm not completely behind the term, because it kind of has a bit of a negative connotation.  

Dad bod....when I hear it, I think...well, Walmart, Big Belly, hairy back, white socks, and dirty sneakers.

But right now it's HOT...From advertisements to movie stars...women are endorsing the basic man body aka dad bod.

But just this past week...I got a look at what the younger generation is calling "dad bod"

Joe Jonas.....Dad Bod...

DAD BOD!!!???

and this?....

ooooh wait...

wait....maybe dad bod?...

but he doesn't have any kids!!!

how about this dad bod?

I don't know, I'm not buying it.

Here's why...

The internet is going crazy over Joe Jonas's new thicc stature.

and hating on Jason?

at least Jason Momoa has kids....not to mention his smoking hot wife.

let's talk about this

These guys are sexy....

185# or 320#

they are sexy AF and I would not consider this daddy body, but even if it was, I wouldn't care or blink an eye.  

are they getting a hard time over it?   maybe they should, they haven't had any kids or birthed any kids, all they are doing is enjoying life for a bit of time, eating a few donuts, and smoking cigars....so I can't really knock that.

But I am a bit jealous.

Now let us examine the phenomenon of 

MOM BOD

No one, not even most moms ,want mom bod.  

We fight it, try to correct it, hide it and never ever show the results of carrying a 10# baby, let alone twins or triplets.

I was lucky...

I had good genes on my side. 

At 5' tall 105# I had 2 almost 10# babies and came out with cellulite on my ass, minimal stretch marks on my hips and that was about it.

I give credit to my exceptionally deep belly button.

(it is literally like the black hole)

But take a look at this real look at Mom Bod

I cried the first time I saw my friend's belly 3 years after she had her kid...

she had a 6# baby but gained 72 #s

It looked like a tree trunk.  She had lost the weight but never regained the elasticity and now deals with  skin that she tucks into her pants and tries to be proud she made a beautiful human.

SHE MADE A HUMAN!!!

what did you do Joe Jonas?

 mom bod from mom.com

It's all good, but scroll back up and look at Joe Jonas, and tell me....

what would you rather???

Dad Bod, or Mom Bod?

(at this point I personally would do any bod...)

But that is a different post.

from an article in The Conversation

“The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive.”

and I agree.

I love dad bod.  

So, if you are rocking the Basic Dad Bod...you are in luck, it is in style right now.

You lucky men don't even have to lift a finger.

except to maybe eat a donut and drink a beer, hell, you don't even have to be a dad to enjoy the benefits of the dad bod....

Let the records reflect

dad bod is THE bod.

So, love your thicc self

The world is embracing the Dad Bod

xox,

write ya later,

m

ps still working on my mom bod recovery.

M.M.S The curse

Let me preface this with I should be working out right now.

(this is not me...if it is you...I'm sorry...and where is your best gay friend to tell you to stop it?)

With that said.

My underwear is tight, and you know, if you have been reading my "journals", that I can't bear to have tight underwear.   Most people would just suggest to go buy a larger size.  Not me.  

I refuse.  

I can't do it.  

I don't want to to do it.  

I want things to fit the same all the time, unless it is my bra...then maybe it would be nice for me to have to go get a larger size....but, as all us Mommy's know...the top half gets smaller and saggier as the ass end gets bigger and bumpier.

I have often pondered why this is.

I believe one of the reasons is we eat like crap.

We make breakfast for the kids...

take a few bites...

Make lunch for the kids...

Lick the peanut butter spoon (ok, have a couple of spoons of peanut butter)

swish it down with cold crappy coffee.

Then usually treat ourselves to a stand up lunch of 

whatever is easiest to reach and doesn't need heated up in the kitchen.

I believe it is also because we start buying these:

(this is also not me...I would not be caught dead in that.)

You see, "Juicy" on her ass is one thing...because her other outfit is a Victoria Secrets ensemble and a pair of wings.

"Juicy" on our asses...um, I wouldn't call it juicy...

If you have these pants, get rid of them...and don't donate them, we don't need any street person sporting these either. And PLEASE,please... don't give them to your 13 year old daughter 

(that's another entry).

We start wearing Mom Suits...the outfit of mammas around the world.

Drawstring and elastic stretch so our asses have no restraint.

Hell, I may even stop wearing pantaloons under these things.

Stretchy...

there is no accountability with these.

That is until you try to cram your white self into a bathing suit mid April.

Listen, I'm just saying....

we can conquer the curse of the spreading cheeks if you just stop buying larger underwear.

and those Mamma Mall Suits.

I will be upstairs...

working out in my too tight pantaloons. 

xo 

m

Dog Park Disaster and a Fault in Human Nature

Yesterday afternoon I headed over to the dog-park to let Eddie run wild with the natives; ie...other stupid dogs. It was a beautiful day here in sunny Colorado. Perked up to 50 degrees, which is downright balmy. If you have ever experienced frigid weather you may know that snow which warms,melts, then promptly refreezes every evening to make a beautiful glazy surface. With that bit of info...I was standing at the dogpark happily looking at the Continental Divide, glancing over every few minutes to see Eddie trying to hump some other dog...daydreaming about vacation at the beach when ....

WHAM BAM Thank YOU MAM!!!!

I was thrown tail over keister, I awoke looking at the pretty blue sky...only remembering horrible popping noises and not really knowing what was happening. I laid there until Eddie was drooling over me. Then I slowly pushed myself up, just to see the guy with the little black dog, who had plowed me over, walking out the gate.

Hello, I was just knocked out by your dog?!!!!

He left.

He didn't even help me up...or see if I was alive for that matter. There was no one else there. I could have been dead! But., alas, I wasn't. I cried all the way home, gasping for breath, surely more upset about the fault in his human nature than the damage to my ribs. I went to the doctor who told me exactly what I all ready knew. Nothing punctured, just bruised...physically and emotionally.

Take it easy...here's some Vicodan...no running until your body heals.

He didn't even check to see if I was alive.

sad