on my damn mind

It's Tuesday night.   

Taco Tuesday to be exact ,

 but that , for one Tuesday,

 is not what I am thinking about.

Tonight.... I am thinking about the wrinkles in my legs.  

WTF ....

Wrinkles. 

I said it. No one acknowledges, but I said it .   I was doing a bit of stretching, bent over and thought "shit holes.  That skin is my mom's skin. MOTHERFUCKER." 

I'm ok, I have recovered. I applied generous amounts of lotion, had 2 beers, and remembered no one is looking at my legs anymore.  See, this would be a tragedy if I was 32....or even 42...But I am now 49.  shit happens, so they say.

my legs in my eyes.

We get older, it happens. We are supposed to age gracefully, to embrace our age, yet at this age it's a mother fucker.  I am with someone. So, I guess in reality it doesn't matter. He doesn't;t look at me any ways, but if I was single I'd be pissed.  All these men in their late 40's dating 25year olds.  Ugh. 

have you looked around at the dating pool lately. not so good for middle class middle America.

Well, at least for women.  ( I guess it depends on what you are looking for)

In my eyes, it is pretty slim.

Back to my legs and body.
I'm heading to Mexico in a few weeks and would like to feel good about myself.  I have been working out and back to fairly clean eating. I'll keep you posted on the progress.
I am old...no one is looking, but I look.  I judge myself.
we will talk about that in a later post.

Mexico.
It's on my mind.
I'm hoping it will rekindle some  of the other half's interest in me.  Away from the daily world, maybe he can find a minute to look, listen and touch me again.
I guess I'll find out.
Til the end of summer I said.
One can only do so much

write ya later,
m

life as I see it....

Honesty is the best policy.  

I like it.  Unless you are to be telling someone they are fat. Don't do that, lie...because they probably all ready know.

But, for other daily situations, try to be honest. 

This year I went back and looked at my calendar ( and yes, I'm female....I keep a calendar for everything ...because you just never know)

My calendar let me review the fact that I have had sex 4 times in the last 2 years. 

I'm not sure those statistics are adequate to sustain life, but I do believe it makes me a virgin again.

That is a plus.

Life is busy and sometimes we forget about the important stuff, then it gets to a point where you can't really address the situation anymore.  You stop thinking about it and just start going on with your life....that part just shuts down.  

One day you wake up and you go,

"wait a minute mother fucker, you are far from dead! " 

so, you shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows,  take care of the random chin hairs that you can still see,  buy new underwear and try to ignore the cellulite.

Then you realize, you are not single.

what the hell are you doing....you are not old enough to plead dementia

So, you put your old underwear back on.

apologize to your eyebrows you just plucked, pubic hair your trimmed and shaved, and decide to just let it go.

fuckit.

it's not that important

Life is fine.

even if you never planned on having a "roommate"

It could be worse.

roommates are fine.

at 49, I'm hoping sex is overrated....because I don't remember anymore.

(must be the dementia)

xo, 

write ya later

m

Appropriate Response is.....

When someone says you look pretty, the appropriate response is not, 

" Did someone tell you to say that to me?" 

The appropriate response, so I have been told is, 

"thank you very much".

That is all for today.   

Just a little lesson I learned this week.

write ya later,

m

It's been a goddamn while....

     Seems like every year I pop this thing back open and start to peck away at the keyboard. I have not felt the urge to write or expel the secrets to life lately...but I have been inspired by something and someone.
     It is amazing when you meet someone that brings out a different side than usual and it is quite refreshing.  I feel that after laying dormant for so long having someone say, "Hey, look around, things are awesome, you are awesome, life is pretty damn good" is really uplifting.  No matter what the situation is you really do need to make your self happy, and some times that means putting your self out on a limb with no safety rope.
      At 49 I am still fighting the same self hatred battles I have had since my 20's, regardless of my ability to smile, encourage others and find the beauty in every damn thing except myself.  At 49, I'm still in a situation which is not conducive to my needs, wants or my soul, yet I keep trying, because I am definitely not a quitter. At 49, I had someone tell me I was more than I see in the mirror, and that has not happened since I was in my 20's....and it felt good. I'm not sure if it was some sort of validation for myself but it made my heart warm to a level which I have not felt in a long time. Im not going to say I didn't love it.  It's important to remember love is real and it can happen to good people....and as I have told some close friends and now whoever reads this....I pray to the Gods of my future, please don't let me die without kissing someone again, feeling a loving touch or having sex. please, please please....( the situation at hand is not in my favor)
      People know me as the crazy, sometimes inappropriate, tell it like it is, redhead. I am that....but I'm more than that.... working in healthcare I give almost every piece of my self to caring for others.  To holding hands when they are scared to laughing with them when it is all out of our control, yet I have yet to meet anyone who fills that need for me, or better yet wants to. I am too demanding and have been told that I am unpleasable.  That no one will ever meet my standards.  That is really a bummer. I don't believe it.  If I can, so can you. The only problem is that you cannot make adults do what they do not want to....( at least I have learned that in the last 20 + years).
     

(you know who you are)

    I have mastered hugs in the last few years.  Yes I am a hugger, I don't care if you think it's gross.  I like them. I am about to graduate with my Bachelors of Nursing (finally) and I am hoping to start taking more time for myself and my needs, without too much guilt. After typing this little bit I feel like there is quite a bit to unload here....

      soon.   

write ya later,

m  and my new friend Lenore (picture above)   I would really adore her more if she was a redhead

hey Bitches....

I'm almost 48  ,   I don't know maybe almost 49   

....I think it was 48 my birthday is 1/23

...I'm tipsy tonight on this Thursday night.  I used to always type on Thursday.   Then I stopped...old age, work, lazy ...you know.   

Anyways , I'm now typing.

courtesy Baddie Winkie  xoxoxo

So, my birthday coming up I'm feeling pretty good.   I'm working....I'm still sassy and although my hair is turning grey, my hairstylist won't let me go grey because I'm a true redhead.  damn it.  I love grey hair.

My heart is still broken.   I need more in my life. ( please send resumes)   I feel like I'm in my prime, yet I know I'm visually past my prime....it sucks ass. Sex is non existent but the hopes are high.  I continue to run and workout. and shave my legs....that's a plus , right.?

here's the truth.  Getting old isn't hard.  It's not even depressing, really

it just is what it is.

I wish I was male so that I could get my young trophy pony.  pay what I needed and pay for what I need.   But THAT is not ok.

Especially if your are with someone.

please leave a comment for any suggestions 

BECAUSE

if there are no good explanations or reasons

I'm gonna start eating cake and gaining weight

xo

m