He had all ready told me how nervous he was.
How much anxiety he had....
and I said, "it's a fast procedure, I'm gonna be standing there with you in the room....Don't worry, we will take good care of you"
Fact: eye surgery is scary as fuck for people.
It causes anxiety
It is not usually painful, at all....
but it IS scary....because you are usually awake
As the Dr started the procedure he yelled and screamed, a grown man....I rolled my eyes.
We explained we were giving more medication....
he whimpered and yelled out.
The Surgeon finally said, " we can't go on if you keep doing this....it's microsurgery and if you move it can be really serious."
He cussed at her.
As the nurse in this operating room, I chart and manage the patient the best I can....it usually involves a bit of silly banter as I clean their face for sterile field...and sometimes a reminder that they can't move....you know, because the surgeon has little tiny tools in the patient's eyeball and one wiggle is like an earthquake....so you do the math.
This guy would not hold still. ... I finally left my area and walked around the bed and said , "Dave, it's Myssi, the nurse who washed your face....I know you can't see me but do you hear me?"
Yes...
I walked to the side of the bed....I reached under the blankets and I found his big old biker hand, which was clenched into a fist ripping the blankets from the bed....
The surgeon continued to try to work, but with all the movement, she was mostly yelling along with the patient....
I put my hand on his hand and wiggled my fingers into his big paw, and didn't say a word. I just squeezed his hand and gently let him take a minute to know I was holding his hand....I gave it a big squeeze, he squeezed back and I looked at the surgeon and gave a nod. "Dave, breathe for me....nice and slow and just breathe". his hand loosened around mine a bit, and he started to slowly exhale...." don't hold your breath....I'm right here like I said....and I'm gonna breathe with you....and we are going to get that eye fixed"
We finished the surgery. Dave squeezing the the heck out of my hand.
After it was all over, and we were cleaning the room...the surgeon came up to me and laughed....
"you are really good at what you do...sometimes ,we (doctors) ,overthink things."
I said, "Sometimes it's not medicine we need ....it's just a simple thing like holding a hand and letting them know they aren't alone ....all the years in school, they didn't teach you that? come on....I could have saved ya some money :) "
"yeah, well thanks....I think that is why we have nurses."
The point of this post....
We all need a hand to hold and squeeze at some point.
Right now, my life is changing...I'm questioning everything, but along with this I have things I need to take care of.
I have a doctors appointment which has taken up much of my thoughts.
I have been clearing room, as I have tried to explain to a few people.
Am I making mistakes by pushing them away? I'm not sure. The burden is real. Just as I told someone tonight:
My story is all ready written,
I really just need to know what chapter I am on before I move in any direction.
Are we in the start of the second chapter? or is this the finale?
let me get the cliff notes so that I can figure this out.
Let me move slow to make sure there is a clean place for everything new that is coming at me.
so that I'm not piling it onto the same dirty area...
and man, I have made some dirty areas lately.
I'm listening...
I am here,
I hear you....
can you find my hand in the dark?
xo,
write ya later,
m
ps. I hope this is Part 2....
No comments:
Post a Comment