day 23 : Birthday Girl

Ya know...

Birthday time again

51.

fifty one fucking years old

red shoe tradition...

I'm hanging by a thread

xo,

m

happy birthday all you Aquarians

First cut....

know what's great?
Well, this girl is gonna tell you!

This is great.....
I can have whatever I want on my phone.
I can buy what I want.
I can talk to whom ever I want
I can send whatever pic I want to anyone I want.

I can love who I want.
I can have a beer with whoever I want
I can sit and do nothing if I want.
My money is mine.

If someone says ....
lets go to "______" for the weekend, I can go.
I can go to a show with who ever I want.
I can stay out as long as I want.
If I don't want to eat dinner...
I don't have to worry about anyone else

There are many things that aren't great....
many many many.....
But lets go with what's great right here right now.
It's gonna be ok....
I'm gonna cry a lot...
I'm gonna be mad a lot....
I'm gonna miss his love and touch he used to give me ....a lot
I'm gonna miss the good things, and there were good things, many good things
I'm gonna miss his sense of humor....
I'm gonna miss just having someone here....

But....
It's gonna be ok.
for us both....
for all of us....
I hope he sees that in the end....
that being happy is good and maybe, he will eventually see I'm not the bitch he thinks I am....
that I am who I am....
I am strong....
I am funny ....
I am adventurous....
I am a mom....
I am a lover....
I am me....
I am the person he loved at one time....
I still really am.....


xo,
m

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And she's taken almost all that I've got
But if you want, I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby, I know
The first cut is the deepest
'Cause when it comes to being lucky, she's cursed
When it comes to lovin' me, she's worst
But when it comes to being loved she's first
That's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby, I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
'Cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
And if you want, I'll try to love again
But baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby, I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky, she's cursed

When it comes to lovin' me, she's worst
But when it comes to being loved, she's first
That's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby, I know

The first cut is the deepest

Baby, I know, the first cut is the deepest, baby, I know
The first cut is the deepest

'Cause when it comes to being lucky, she's curse
When it comes to lovin' me, she's worst
But when it comes to being loved, she's first

That's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby, I know

Traitors....

I used to sit down every thursday night and write.

I had a system.

I would read Baking with Plath, drink some wine, laugh out loud, then write. Now the system is gone. Actually, there is no system anymore. I need to find my inner soul writer again.

Maybe I killed her.

Killed her with schoolwork and lack of interest.

Oh yeah, speaking of interest....How about we touch on something else which has mysteriously disappeared from my nonlife.

Sex.

Yes I said it...

Sex.

zipp, gone,vamoos.

Do you think it is shacking up with my inner soul writer?

That Bitch.

ps: Tonight...I'm gonna buy some porn, i'll let you know how it goes