Think You Got It......

Self care, yup....I'm really horrible at it.  Actually I hate it.  As someone once told me, it is probably because I feel that I don't deserve it.  Which is pretty accurate.  With that said, I made an appointment with a private trainer....well 12 appointments.  I will inevitably have to show some accountability to myself for 12 times ....maybe at that point it will become a habit...bwahahahaha

OI showed up and he was waiting with bells on.  After a short interview of health history, work history , schedule, medications, basic knowledge....my heart finally settled down enough to pay attention. " Why the fuck am I so nervous?" I thought to myself.  He's here to make me healthier, stronger, and whatever else a 52 year old lady can accomplish.   We talked about my goals.  1. My ass is not fitting into my 25 year old jeans anymore.  2. I'd like to feel stronger.  3. Healthier.  4. Body fat lower.

"Great start", he said....."Let's go hop on the scale and the body fat evaluator".  

We had already discussed my scan from 2.5 years ago.  Body fat was around 22% which I would like to be below.  I step on  the scale thing.  Really how does this thing work?  How can it tell my body fat from me stepping on the scale then putting my arms out and thumbs on a button?   seems a bit iffy to me.

Whatever, I'll go with it.  it said I weighed 117# with 44% muscle and 29% body fat.

Dont even wat to know what the other 27% is...(beer? Anger? French bread?)

FATTY

I'm obese. which surprised me.  well not obese, but what we would call skinny fat at this point.

The Commander said, "It's perfectly doable, to get you down to under 21%....it will take longer than 6 weeks, but you can do it"

On that note...we started our pre workout evaluation.   

Deadlifts, planks, squats, pushups, barbell presses,  lunges  core, row machine, TRX and some crazy ab thing with the stability ball called " the triple threat".

By the end of the first session I decided Cody ( Commander) and I were no longer friends.

He commended me on my deadlift form so that was good.

Other than that 

I hate myself for having signed up AND PAID for 12 expensive private sessions.

Commander and I have another date for an hour session on Friday.

I'm 52

All the women at work, young and old get Botox and filler....

I refuse.

Facials and Lash extensions 

(this is what happens when the Dr you work for owns an aesthetics/plastic center connected to your surgery center.

DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS DISCOUNTS

I refuse.

I swear I will age ( duh) 

I'm not fighting it....

But I will keep my body and heart as healthy as possible.

I'm typing this as I drink a Vodka in bed.

So, Friday it is....

Workout #2

I'm pretty sure anger is not going to drive me to be more productive....

but you know what will?

Embarrassment 

Fear of Failure

Self Hatred 

there we have it

Self Care

Girl, Ya think ya got it?

Hey,Ya 

I might got it

Write ya later,

Your 29% luscious fatty girl,

M

Keeping Promises to Myself

 They, whoever they is, claim that selfcare is really important 

ya know....you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.

So, with that said, me and my extra 10 pounds, YES 10 pounds !!! decided to seriously get back to something....anything...and I'm easily influenced....so when my run keeper decided I should train for a marathon I clicked "ok".

Not my smartest moment.

I'm on week 2 (just started)

today was a slow 2 mile run.

I chose the bike path which was infested with these weird mosquito, flying silverfish things.

Pretty sure I ate about 30.

Here is one I hacked up about 2 hours post run.

It was stuck to my Uvula.

I'm vegetarian, this is not a good breakfast for me.

yuk

This was part of my view.

Very lovely, but did not make the 2 miles anymore enjoyable

and here is how I gelt

SLOW

Will it ever come back?

I don't know.

But I do know I want to stay on track for a while with making a commitment to myself and keeping it.

Me first.

me me me

no excuses.

I'll keep ya posted

m

Pick That Guy

Here's something which made me giggle

I /we were putting away laundry...

you know the mundane crap task of folding and putting away.

Completing the task...which I despise 

When I heard from the other room...

"This is like a fucking dream come true....Never in my life did I think I would be putting away your underwear....Never...I fucking love this part of all of this"

If anyone ever announces this to you.... pick them.  

seriously 

Pick the person who loves you, your laundry, and your nasty ratty underwear.

xoxo,

just a small piece of wisdom,

m

Cuts Like a Knife

 Fucking Ikea and their death blade serrated knife

A knife that is worse than an old school switchblade....

or better yet....

like a goddamn  machete.

how many times have I cut myself with this knife, you ask?

at least 4 

and man, it will cut through your skin and fingernail like butter.

swoosh

silence....

I look....

so clean the slice....

not even any blood....

then the pain, the blood, the anger

FUCKINGIKEA!!!

Fucking Finger

fucking bagel....

fuckity fuck fuck

I'll survive

shit, I've survived so much this year...

the pinky is minor...

plus

it was

"just the tip"

and no one likes just the tip

write ya later

m

you are welcome

feel free to comment.  

make me feel better

Hey 3:10. Let’s Do This

 3:10 

I’ll sleep when I’m dead 

Been awake for about .... well a life time 

At least since 135 am

In that time I have perused the entire online Ikea catalog....

Thought out a new workout regimen which will undoubtedly change my life for the better...

Redecorated my bedroom, living room, and yard on Pinterest....

Learned how to macrame on YouTube....

And how to cut my own bangs, and give myself a mullet....which no one should ever do no matter how awesome the model makes it look.

I googled  “ how much sleep does a human need to survive average life” .... 

I learned, dying from sleep deprivation is rare ....

 well that’s good .

I’m not sure that fact is correct , but at this point I gotta go with the flow    If  for nothing else, at least for my self preservation, right.?

I used to have people from all over who I could text.... night owls.... 

night shifters .... 

other time zones .... 

but maybe.... 

possibly... 

they to, have died from lack of sleep 

I need a tiny light so that I can read at night.

I thought of going to the gym, but that just made me angry on the inside 

I thought of getting up and cleaning...

That had the same effect as gym 

Someone in one of my Nurse NYC groups commented it could be a little PTSD ( a little?.... is that a thing) 

I don’t feel stressed about COVID or me being a nurse or any of that so I’m not sure.... although I did stop sleeping after that..... 

but being a nurse was the least stressful thing in my life then and maybe now.  

Instead ..... I’m painting my toenails at 5am and drinking coffee and watching the sunrise again 

Life is good in its own way 

I hope you are sleeping well 

Write ya later

M