Boobs and Feet, Boobs and Feet

 

Boobs and feet ....weird topic but one occupying my mind lately.

10 years ago this month I had my right breast cleared of breast cancer via surgery.

Just one boob...no biggie...Was told I should take Chemo, but with some counseling we decided maybe it wasn't the best for me right then.  I had small kids and needed to work full time...I didn't have the time to be sick or tired, I had enough of that with my life in general back then. hahahaha

The statement from my then Oncologist , who has since retired, 

"Its not if...it's when ...10 years, most likely"

Those damn old man doctors, full of non documentable information.

Shit the Journal of American Medicine could never prove.

They know...

So, this morning a nice MRI for my foot which has been the bain of my extra curricular life for about 2 years now and getting progressively worse.  

Luckily, as I lie there in the MRI tube listening to the bings and bongs and the occasional tech giving me the countdown of time 

"good job, Melissa , we have about 3 more sets of 7 minute picture rounds"

why didn't he just say we have 21 minutes left? Does the way he stated it sound easier?

maybe.

The MRI didn't bother me. They gave me headphones and I listened to Jason Isbell and thought about warm weather and my list of chores I needed to complete....

and the fact I had another telehealth call at 11 that I better be done with.

We were done in time and the results were in my chart before I got home.

pretty pretty good

Small tear on some Achilles Ligament and something else which I really should know because I'm a nurse,

but I don't.

but I do know it was nothing horrible and I'm betting for the cash money the Sports Medicine guy is charging , it will be fixed with a boot and rest for 8 weeks

and it's not plantar fasciitis...which is good.

that's hard to fix , really hard.

Made it home in time for my telehealth video. 

She started with the good news, not that any is really bad

No BRCa gene, which means I am clear from that, and so is Olive and Ilin.

But then.... outta no where she says

" I'm going to schedule for a breast MRI and make sure you get your yearly mammogram. You will be doing every other one each 6 months ongoing from here on out. Your cancer risk is 37.3% which puts you in the high risk category.  So once we get those first rounds done we will schedule from the findings and anything we find we should be able to treat quickly, because thats the key with this type of history"

ok, lady.  i liked you, now I'm a little stressed and wish I was having a beer while doing this telehealth.

" let's make sure you get the ultra sound of your uterus as discussed last month when you were here.

Insurance should have no problems covering these because of the risk involved .....and when you come in we can discuss a referral for double masectomy; when you are ready"

what?

wait a minute, 

how did we go from no gene to boob removal?

yeah, no.  I'm not ready...i'm doing the math in my head and I still have 72% chance nothing will happen.

Are these things they just have to slide in there in the conversation? or does she know more than I do 

probably the latter even though I am a well educated RN, I kinda didn't do too well in the women's health part of school or clinicals.

Any way.  one thing at a time...  feet first... I want to be able to have some fun.

then boobs.  

I guess 

if anyone has any insight let me know.

They are just boobs...

but honestly i can't imagine using my PTO for boobs in stead of beach vacation.

xo, 

m

the first time of diagnosis

for your reading pleasure

Time Flys or Flies or Whatever

 Thursday Night....

I used to always write on Thursday nights, it was a thing.

Now I'm just a bit too lazy to have a regular thing. 

So now the thing is once a year or so. 

Time flys...or is it flies...whatever, it moves quite fast once you are past the age of 50.

I'm not sure I was prepared for how fast or the issues which come with it...there is n ow no extra time, NONE...

It's funny, because at work the other day one of the younger nurses commented on how busy I am all the time during the summer. I looked his 30 year old self right in the eye and said,

"I have maybe 15 more summers left and some of them I may not even be healthy enough to do exciting things, so while I am able to wear the bikini, ride a bike and travel ( not all at the same time) I am going to make the most of it"

He said , " that's a little dramatic isn't it?" ....

Uhmmmmm, no. No, it is not.

Think about it....

as of right this minute on the couch, I can think back 3 summers very clearly and the things I did.

Those summers are gone.

3 years...3 summers...

So with that math I have about 12 left....

I have at least 2 more summers planned out 

Puts me down to 10 summers.

10 years seems like a long time but yet is passes so quickly when you are just working and thinking about what you are going to do when you grow up.

It passes quickly when you are caring for teens and young adults and working full-time.

it goes by fast

super fast.

it's like when you tell your partner

"I'm too tired, let's revisit this tomorrow"

and before you know it you haven't even kissed in 4 years.

It goes by fast .

So now, my Thursdays have turned into once every 6 months while I plan what I should be doing to make my life a more exciting place to spend my adult years.

xo,

write ya later,

m

Day 210: Selfies My Way

Day 210

green smoothie wreck

7/29/19

Green Smoothie: Spinach, (blah), green apple, strawberry, put butter, banana, whey protein powder, water....blend, chia seeds.

meal complete, sans chewing...

perfect for my nonchalant, sick of chewing attitude.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to take nice candid shots of me...ya know, just so when I'm missing they will find me...

If you were to look on B's social media or phone, or picture history you will find no mention (in pictures) of me.  There are many many pictures of Olive, of himself...his car, his guitars, amps....motorcycles....dog....

not me.

I asked him about this and he said his social media is for work.

Hmmm...ok. are tacos work?

What I believe to be true is that I am slightly under par according to him.

so we will leave it at that.

In return I take many of my own happy selfies...

the best being the "I don't care after workout/ run" selfies

 and leg and feet selfies ( because they are always cute).

They go lots and lots of places.

I have even contemplated a picture book of all the travels and countries I have photoed my feet.

not for anyone...just me....dont worry I won't be gifting those.

candid photos are a luxury because you have to have someone who sees something and who has the care to take a picture.

I take a ton of pictures and my favorites are the ones I take of my friends just being.

They hate it until I send them later.  

I often see them used as profile pics and such which makes me happy.

I'm careful to never post an unflattering picture because I feel that is a bit of a bummer and happens quite often when I'm looking at random shots on media.

capturing people in their form is a beautiful loving thing.

here are a few that make me smile.

 Kris ....old lady cartwheels....yes she was drinking

we call her Betty, and she is always smiling and gives the best hugs.

Photo ops....It wasn't my op, but I took advantage

This kid was funny...dog dish reinvented....

the Litas...I took this, they use it all the time...I'm not in it

my sweet work wife, Heather....ready for radiation

Pictures ....

Don't hate me for snapping so many, If I love you.....

I have pictures.

snap ya later,

m

Friend Zone Fuckery and why it Sucks

always the friend....

It's a great title....

Looks good on life resumes....

But how long is too long.

My entire life I have been the friend, buddy, cool girl, one to call, always there, girl.

At 50 I still experience this.

A couple days ago I was walking through our local music night on Main Street, when I was approached by a friend.  I love this guy to death.  He's my age, rides Harleys, does yoga, funny, foul. and always up for a beer and a laugh. I gave him a nice hug,( as I always do with everyone) and said , "_____, what's going on with you??  You lost some weight... ya look great though" And with a smile he let loose with his recent life story which was a a bit of a bummer and slightly untimely as I was standing with a friend. I listened and smiled and all of a sudden he looked at my friend and said , " Myssi is my girl...she listens and I can always count on her to know me...."

Ok... It's good.  

I love him.  He's hot. He around ....

my friends love him ( and many have done him)....

But here it is ....

the truth,

what if I had wanted to do him?

It's a bummer because I'm never sure if I friend zoned myself or it just happened with time.

It doesn't really matter anyways...

Just thinking on paper.

What if I wanted to , ya know....grown adult consenting stuff with him?   Or any of my guy friends for that matter...

Yeah...I've friend zoned myself.

I have a few friends who crack me up about this.

" Don't you worry....I'd do ya if needed"

"Would I have to take you to dinner?"

"It would be hard to explain"

yes, yes it would.

Truth is, I don't find many men attractive.   

It's far and few between and it's not usually the norm. Many of my friends are pretty awesome and good looking but only a few are what I find mentally attractive. I love it when they text out of the blue, send funny memes, or stop by to sit and have a beer.  I love them in that way and it is what lately, has kept me moving forward.  

But....There are  a couple that I hope do text.... the few that have me checking my phone at weird times...

checking when I think they might text because they know me.  

The super early text...to say hi.  

The late night meme...

or simple picture. 

The smile emoji and a "what are ya doing?"

Those friends.

I'm pretty sure they don't know that I feel that way...or care. 

I'll just keep passing out fairly ok advice to them about their dating habits....Encourage them to forget about it.... and build them up when they text from or after their dates to say 

"Hey....what are you doin right now?"

yeah.

The ones I wish would come over and say, come on.... 

I got this....

let's get the fuck outta here.

waiting ....

   waiting ...

       waiting...

write ya later,

from the middle age bestie 

with ample free time and advice

xo,

m

I'm here for the taking....
haha