Can't worry about it.

How does it work that I can plan my entire life out, step by step, including all the small details of fabulous projects I'm going complete in the future, but I can't seem to figure out my plans for the weekend? Short term kills me. Is this normal? Is it normal to see the future with no beginning? Man, it give me a headache and stress combined.

We got our schedule for nursing next semester and I knew when they were handing it out that I shouldn't have looked. I heard all the students saying, "jeez, this is going to kill me!" This is coming from mostly 24 yr olds or wives of people who support them...and I thought, "shit". Just like that. "Shit..SHIT". (Don't look at it Momma, no sense in freakin' yourself out yet)...Then like magic,one dropped on the desk in front of me,

"NOOOOO".

You see, my new motto is to try not to get freaked about things I don't have control over...this is one of them.

What did I do? I looked at it, started adding up the days of the week and the hours in class vs. how many hours I can squeek in between 4 am and the start of class, then maybe I can drive back to work after classes at 4 pm and work another 3 hours, go home and cook dinner, help the kids with homework,get them in bed, try to do my homework, and then start all over....5 days a week for 15 weeks. I didn't weep at that point. I just smiled and thought to myself. Quit your belly achin', I'm sure there is some poor person in South Africa that would love to change places with me right now. OK? Got it.

This is it...I go home and when I should study I think about sewing or where I can go on vacation.
I think about finishing the knitting or taking Olive to Disney World. I think about what I would do if I had time, more time....

I often think maybe I should take a loan out for the $$$ so I wouldn't have to work. I live debt free, basically, and I couldn't bare to carry the stress of a loan. Any suggestions?

dreaming of....
:)
m