truth....
and awkward.
yup, I admit I am, and always have been.
I crack myself up....
I attempt things I have no business attempting....
I overthink....
I'm often at a loss at how to properly interact (although I will always try, and usually fail miserably).
Considered outgoing by friends but always in pure panic mode when out, which tends to accentuate the awkward....
Communication with me is often misinterpreted...even in text...and it makes people frustrated...
I fall down, whoops....
every picture of me, looks like I'm grimacing
My friends spend a lot of time correcting my manners and shaking their heads....
I am used to it.
but others....
not so much.
click that link above...
(I believe they wrote that about me)
but I am fun...and funny.
I have touched on this story before....
A few years ago I was required to go to a Keith Urban thing.
One of those things I am not excited about, and actually become mortified, because :
1. backstage /green room is not as cool as people think it is ( believe me)
2. I am always stuck waiting like a groupie while the intermingling is going on...and I hate groupies...
plus they always look at me like "why are you here?"
3. for some reason there are ALWAYS posed, stupid pictures required.
We arrived a bit late with poor instructions as to how to get to Mr. Urban. On the drive there, I was VERY clear on my rules....I will participate and be polite, I will attempt not to talk and say stupid shit accidentally, and under NO circumstances am I going to take a picture in that room. I don't like Keith Urban and I hate pictures....is this understood? seriously, no pictures....I will get up and walk out if you do that to me. You know I will....
"stop being so ....you...It's fine...no pictures then. Olive and I will take a picture"
fine
"fine"
We finally walk the length of what seemed to be 18 football fields and pass a group of giggling, chunky, cowgirls with bedazzled jeans and pink boots. As I stomped past the line of people waiting to get in, and followed B, who looked as if he was where he was supposed to be, the girls gave me the once over and a glare....
B stepped in front and looked in the gate and said..." well I guess we are too late"
Good ...I looked down at my bracelet and noticed it had a different mark on it than all the groupies.
I showed it to B and said, " hey...does this mean we are too old to stand in this line?" and I flashed it at the girl in the front....
she glared and said,
"Keith is done signing autographs"
"praise the lord", I said
....let's go get a beer...and funnel cake.
B, looked through the gate and then at me and Olive and said...
"Its fine....let's go."
Walking off, I heard the girls giggling...." like they have some special pass, pfhhht "
We weren't 50 feet from the gate. and almost free as far as I could tell, when a guy , the guy who 4 minutes before slammed the gate and said "NO MORE", came ripping up behind us yelling , Mr. Smith!!! Mr. Smith!!!
Keith is waiting for you!!!! why didn't you say something?
(damnit....does Mr Urban have beer?)
B...no fucking pictures. you promised....
We were escorted back to the front, through the large huddle of young women, and through the gate. I flashed my bracelet at the girl in the front,
"Old people rule..."
she glared.
As usual, we were led to the room with fruit, water, snacks and comfy couches. No groupies...just a few recording industry people and a body guard. I stayed back because I knew exactly what was about to happen. Keith looked over and came right up to B and shook his hand
"man, I almost missed ya"
they talked guitars and gear....he thanked B for the custom guitar he built for him.... "I love it , man.... I play it all the time"
Olive and I poked around the snack table...some person handing us water...offering fancy fruit....and a seat.
I whispered to the person, "where's the beer"
"He's clean" she whispered back ...."sober"....
I grimaced...Oh yeah, I said to her..".I saw that on TMZ"
she grimaced back.
oops , awkward.
Before I had a minute to think straight I felt a hand on my back ....
"Hey Love, come on over here and lets get a snap"
??
I turned around and there he was ....
Handsome, short, and repeating himself....
"Let's get a snap"
nope....
I glare at B...then at Olive....who is smiling.
He turns to her and says, get your mom...lets get a nice snap.
I hate you....
not only am I grimacing....my shirt is see through.
mortifyingly awkward
"come on Mom...."
He put his arm around me and I leaned in, and for some reason took a deep smell of him...
loudly , but accidentally.
He smelled of pine trees and earth....and maybe Gain detergent....
I pictured Nicole Kidman doing his laundry and hanging it on the line in beautiful Australia....or Nashville....
Then Olive leans forward and says
"Did you just Sniff Keith Urban?"
Why yes, yes I did....
*snap.*
I hate this picture more than anything.
ANYTHING....
my friends on social media think it is hysterical and every year for the past 3 years whenever this pops up on anyones social memories...
they post it.
"most awkward photo ever"
Just a tiny piece of my life.
there are many more ....
so, even though sometimes I may seem nuts....
I'm not really
just awkward...
and after the fact, it brings many people comedic relief.
makes people feel better about them selves when they hang out with me
Maybe this is why so many of my friends stick around or my old loves continue to never really leave, regardless of saying "I just can't"
I'm entertaining...
Unpredictably predictable
awkward.
xo,
write ya later,
m
don't wear black to a photo shoot
and I am
un-replaceable....
