A New Covid Countdown.

When you are alone you start doing weird stuff.

This is my little window I look out every morning before I go to work.

All the stuff people send and the things which are making me smile

Every day I add a bit more and let it remind me how many people have my back.

then I started thinking about my days....

I decided I needed to change something

I was counting down the days until I went home...

I decided this was more appropriate for the situation

How many days I  can go without a patient, in my care, dying.

I know that there isn't always much I can do....

but it makes me feel like I have done something.

One of the Litas sent these to me 

I adore them. 

I wish they were stickers

they are iron ons

These nurses were a little group who came to my room because they needed scrub caps, garbage bags, masks , ramen....etc.

They want everyone to know they are so very thankful to everyone who is so kindly sending stuff.

you should see their faces when I say its all free, but just take what you need so the others who are in need can cash in too

Us nurses hate ti have people do stuff for us.

they couldn't believe it.

Well today:

hospital good stats

1200 bed hospital (approx)

2 successful extubation (off the ventilators)

2 live patients happily discharged to home 

(so exciting that the hospital plays New York New York overhead in the entire hospital)

and wait for it....

No deaths of mine and none on our unit.

the other units not so good.

On the ride home I heard of at least 4 that shift.

but this was only one bus of nurses.

the discharge song...

feel free to clap, we do, every person in the hospital stops what they are doing and cheers when we hear this....

xo,

we can make it anywhere

write ya later, 

m

Day #1 officially done. HOPE ?

I got up at 545 as instructed and went downstairs ready to go, signed the roster and waited.

we were told to go back up stairs we were on call.

good.  

I sat for a bit then I walked around.

got a few pictures.....

then decided I better figure out my food situation 

the city is literally shut down and there is delivery but it is a bit spotty

So I attempted to make it to the Target downtown

It was quite surreal, walking down Broadway and everything is closed

quiet....

pigeons literally ruling the roosts

fighting for garbage crumbs...

Times Square....just not what I expected and not nearly as big with no people...

Beautiful buildings, and lots of stuff to see, I almost forgot I was in the 

Big Apple with all the scary crime and such

The phantom was closed

I stood right here on a the street and took a picture as I walked at lunchtime to 

Times Square...

No One

Social Distancing

The Copa...

Neil Simon.....

and then there was this

yeah.  seems a little ironic right now...

we are afraid of everyone.

and everything

I'm back in my room at 430

I have a sandwich and I'll save half for tomorrow.

I spent the entire 76$ for the day's food today getting some supplies, so I'm hoping to make it a few days.

The more I sit and think the more anxiety I have.

Katie texted from her shift and I commended her on having her first day off in 14 (tomorrow)

and how strong she is...

she is almost done with her 21 day countdown.

so it seems doable 

obviously it is doable

just need to get started so I can say

"The sooner we get started the sooner we can be done"

Write ya later,

m

Listen:

" didn't know a friend could be so small and have a heart as big as the moon" s. rowe

💜

NYC and The Beast. (covid)

Packed and ready is a term I will use very lightly. As I packed and repacked, I said silent thank you to all the people who love to jump to the rescue.

I am speaking of my online family …

When I put the word out of what I needed, they were ridiculously bountiful.

It made me cry and laugh and I had to turn some stuff down.

Giving when someone you actually know needs something is different than when you hand over something to the Red Cross ( but keep doing that too).

Handing over to someone close to you gives you a sense of being able to help without the risk…

And I like that.

I received the scrubs I so desperately needed in the correct color and size…I have over 7 sets so I can not have to worry about washing them every day.

In each little gift I seemed to receive little bottles of liquor, which made me laugh ( y’all know me so well).

I received a handmade travel cup with my name and the Wonder Woman symbol so that I can drink said little liquors.

People stepped up to bring me PPE and N95….

Lots of kudos and love…

And above all 

Good vibes….

Maybe that was some of the best.

I am by no means a hero…I am a nurse….

Lately I have been lost and looking for a reason to have faith and a reason for not really getting up in the morning, but to keep a spark in my heart.

A friend said , “you may like to do travel nursing”

But I’m not super hip on changing my job and being away from my safe spot.

Then Covid….

Then hours cut…

Then surgery center shut…

Then furloughed…

And there I am. Sitting, 

an essential employee in any other situation

And unable to help.

Then a friend called and said I took a job….

NYC Covid relief

BUT

"Its 21 days straight, you don’t know anything until that day….

Call this number at 1 pm and keep trying …they take 400 nurses so just keep calling.”

When I dialed I said , “if I get through….It is meant to be…If not…thank goodness”

I got through in the first hour….was hired on the spot and asked if I could leave in 2 days.

It was so fast I had no time to think…and said yes.

Finished the few menial questions, hung up, and then freaked out.

Early that week I has done an online Full Throttle yoga class and the discussion of hope was to have “faith in yourself.”

Faith…in myself?

What an interesting thought and one in which I just really have a hard time with.  I know I am strong and able, but when it comes to faith, it waivers.  

So, as I am sitting on a plane with 9 other passengers, flying to what we call ground zero, in the middle of a pandemic, I am asking myself to have faith….and also to please help me not touch my face.

21 days straight starting tomorrow.

I’m not sure Ive ever done any work for 21 days straight….shit I’ve never done anything for 21 days straight….

I guess I will see how deep my strength, faith, meditation, and kindness can run.

I’m not alone….

I know that….let’s just hope my ability to connect is on it’s game for the next few weeks .

leaving Denver

 8 people on my SW flight. 

 So wish this was a fun trip...

look at tiny Lady Liberty

Pretty darn cool!

Write ya later

M