broken like a piece of china

I'm not gonna whine about this much more.  As I was told at some point, " no one owes you an excuse as to why they stop talking or caring,  just move on."

I get it...I'm moving.............slowly. 

I will elaborate only slightly, because some things are better left unsaid.

I have a hard time with "unsaid".

When you have a friend who rocks your world you re-think things, everything. 

Sunshine is brighter

Music has meaning

Sweets are sweeter 

and

honestly some stuff is just straight out amazing.

When you meet someone like this and you connect one often feels this is a "thing".  Nothing else really matters, this is something that will be here.  They get you. You get them. They give you advice, and you think more....contemplate.

Then little things start happening.  The timing is all wrong. Excuses are made and you start to wonder...

was I that wrong?  

Did my radar totally go whack? 

How could I let this person play me?

fuck

It's like I am a teen again and the breakup is bad. 

Except as a teen, it just scars you for life and makes baggage....

As an adult, when a friend dumps you, you break.  Like china.

I can't afford to break right now....

It's weird when your inner soul totally plays you for a fucking idiot.  

Is this some sort of bullshit lesson? 

Probably.

As my sister said, " you will do what is right when the time is right....maybe (this friend) was saving you a fall".

maybe

but I don't like it

I'm lonely

my brain has less to think about

less to smile about 

and less to dream about

yup...

I hate feeling like that crazy woman up the street....

Gotta let it go....

Maybe you will come around

totally worth it.

write ya later........

m

Fuck you is not the appropriate answer

    

   
     It's odd when someone, who you enjoy, shows their true , unknown, personality.  Eyeopening to say the least. This is the kind of thing which usually happens when speaking about politics or guns.  You know, the shit you don't talk about.  The shit that comes out after 3 beers and a bad day on facebook.
     Well, this scenario was different.  This actually hurt my feelings.  I know , I know.... you should never let people invade your head space, especially people who do not deserve the space... except, I believed this person DID deserve the space.

I was apparently wrong.

Story is : This individual laid into me within a minor Instagram post in which I was admiring a fabulous burger and asked if they offered a veggie burger.  It's no big deal, I have been vegetarian almost all of my life....I do not preach, my choice is my choice.  With that said, I eat just as everyone else does. I eat burgers with piles of stuff on them, I eat tacos, I eat soup....When I go to third world countries , I pick around the meat to show respect.  I don't complain.

POINT IS:  All I was asking is  " do they serve that same super burger but with a veggie patty? " WTF?  The answer went something of this sort
" This is why I would have any issue dating a vegetarian or vegan....I do not care about your veggie burger, or whatever..." blah blah blah.  ( it went on a bit further, and was a bit hurtful and crass)

I , personally, do not care what you eat.  Why would you make me feel like an asshole for asking a question which could be kindly answered with, " I'm not sure" or  " Hmmm, I bet they do"

Fuck YOU , is not the appropriate answer.

I guess the bigger picture is that I like this person.  Makes me laugh, makes me smile, appeared to be pretty well rounded and kind.  I had it wrong. Honestly, maybe this person was trying to hurt me on purpose. But....why?

I would never in my life knowingly say dickwad stuff to someone to hurt them.  I just wouldn't.  I care too much and it's not worth it. So, unless you are fighting a fight with your enemy, just think twice.  What goes around comes around ....it's called Kharma and whether you believe it or not, that shit will get you.

write ya later,

m

Oh no you didn't

Note to anyone visiting someone in the hospital.

Do not bring your ukulele unless you are this guy:

When someone asks a nurse, "may we bring a little music therapy" the nurse should double think, and or question the person asking, do NOT, and I repeat do NOT, just yell, "sure sounds great" as you dash by the room, praising God that you may not have to go in there for a bit now.

20 minutes later I had a senior citizen, belly aching, jam session going on, door wide open and high pitched yodels streaming from the curtained room.  

There was not even a door to close.

I peeked around the curtain and sure as shit....3 ukuleles, grey hairs and one in the bed smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

WHAT HAVE I DONE? 

my co workers looked at me with hatred.

Jesus Christ....I had no idea they meant this.  I thought iPhone and at worst , Michael Buble'.

so, my advice is ....just don't be that nurse.

Say Absolutely Fucking NOT.  

no therapy....no

thank me later,

m

on my damn mind

It's Tuesday night.   

Taco Tuesday to be exact ,

 but that , for one Tuesday,

 is not what I am thinking about.

Tonight.... I am thinking about the wrinkles in my legs.  

WTF ....

Wrinkles. 

I said it. No one acknowledges, but I said it .   I was doing a bit of stretching, bent over and thought "shit holes.  That skin is my mom's skin. MOTHERFUCKER." 

I'm ok, I have recovered. I applied generous amounts of lotion, had 2 beers, and remembered no one is looking at my legs anymore.  See, this would be a tragedy if I was 32....or even 42...But I am now 49.  shit happens, so they say.

my legs in my eyes.

We get older, it happens. We are supposed to age gracefully, to embrace our age, yet at this age it's a mother fucker.  I am with someone. So, I guess in reality it doesn't matter. He doesn't;t look at me any ways, but if I was single I'd be pissed.  All these men in their late 40's dating 25year olds.  Ugh. 

have you looked around at the dating pool lately. not so good for middle class middle America.

Well, at least for women.  ( I guess it depends on what you are looking for)

In my eyes, it is pretty slim.

Back to my legs and body.
I'm heading to Mexico in a few weeks and would like to feel good about myself.  I have been working out and back to fairly clean eating. I'll keep you posted on the progress.
I am old...no one is looking, but I look.  I judge myself.
we will talk about that in a later post.

Mexico.
It's on my mind.
I'm hoping it will rekindle some  of the other half's interest in me.  Away from the daily world, maybe he can find a minute to look, listen and touch me again.
I guess I'll find out.
Til the end of summer I said.
One can only do so much

write ya later,
m

life as I see it....

Honesty is the best policy.  

I like it.  Unless you are to be telling someone they are fat. Don't do that, lie...because they probably all ready know.

But, for other daily situations, try to be honest. 

This year I went back and looked at my calendar ( and yes, I'm female....I keep a calendar for everything ...because you just never know)

My calendar let me review the fact that I have had sex 4 times in the last 2 years. 

I'm not sure those statistics are adequate to sustain life, but I do believe it makes me a virgin again.

That is a plus.

Life is busy and sometimes we forget about the important stuff, then it gets to a point where you can't really address the situation anymore.  You stop thinking about it and just start going on with your life....that part just shuts down.  

One day you wake up and you go,

"wait a minute mother fucker, you are far from dead! " 

so, you shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows,  take care of the random chin hairs that you can still see,  buy new underwear and try to ignore the cellulite.

Then you realize, you are not single.

what the hell are you doing....you are not old enough to plead dementia

So, you put your old underwear back on.

apologize to your eyebrows you just plucked, pubic hair your trimmed and shaved, and decide to just let it go.

fuckit.

it's not that important

Life is fine.

even if you never planned on having a "roommate"

It could be worse.

roommates are fine.

at 49, I'm hoping sex is overrated....because I don't remember anymore.

(must be the dementia)

xo, 

write ya later

m