When the storm clears, and the clouds begin to part, things really become more clear.
Quite interesting how this almost always seems to be the case.
Comical, in fact
Strength comes in many forms and through out the years I have forgotten exactly how strong I can be.
Recently I was tested, reminded, reinforced and a pretty amazing feat happened.
I saw myself for who I am,
and what I have to offer...
and why people are in my life....
boom
Strength shows itself at strange times, and I am going to assume it is mostly at times when it is really required. The other times it just hides itself, feeding on different subjects, learning and waiting to pounce into action for recovery.
Love and kindness, on the other hand, often prances around, tossing out daisies and compliments, not necessarily draining you.... but maybe opening one up to jabs, that little by little can cause misunderstood pain.
I spoke to Miss Jody (therapy hippy) about why this happens. Why, when one person is generally nice, loving, and kind to most people, they feel the hate the most? Do they have to carry the weight ? And when this happens...How do you continue to care and not necessarily love, but be nice?
question: Why do the few I love the most say such mean things?
Loving, even when hated....I will not waiver from that
hate me for many things but know I love deeply to those in my life
As a human, I can honestly say, when there are people in my life I care for them.
..ups and downs,
anger and
life changes.
Once I say this person is a good soul...I protect that. I can watch friends make mistakes and suffer pain and I will 98% empathize, and if they are in the wrong..
"mistakes happen,
own them,
learn from them,
look around and see who stands quietly next to you..."
they are waiting for you to realize and learn
Learning about how many people will project their hurt or failure onto you has been a bit of an eyeopener the last few weeks.
Definitely a subject I knew about, but have not recently been strong enough to realize:
It is not me...
It is the other.
When my heart hurt...many came forward to hold my heart in their hands and be strong when I couldn't...when I could not hold the weight of my son, my anger, and was in fear of losing my own heart to pain...
people came to me with the words of wisdom
"I love you, we love you, you are so strong Myssi and we will take care of you so that you can take care of this....You will not break"
In privacy of work quiet areas, run clubs, late night texts and calls...
people came to me and let me cry, so that I could be strong for others....
all of this hidden away from my family.
As life has it, a few did the opposite.
a few went missing...
a few were not who I thought they could be
Growth periods in life are not instability (mentally, emotionally or physically)....
they are strengthening...
you bend, you hurt, you question, you don't break
you learn....
Anger is never a primary emotion.
Hurt and failure usually proceed.
Anger is a pot stirrer....and when projected often returns itself with anger.
and as full circle
feeling of failure and hurt follow.
I need to remember this when friends project their rejections or failures on me....
it sucks dick.
This is exactly why I no longer hate....
I remove myself....
it's so hard....
but I don't want to think poorly of the people I loved.
I guess the lesson here is
Forgive and Forget
everyone fights their own battles, some may seem shallow to you but are important to them.
People can dig and look for love all around
use an app, swipe all different directions, beg for it, put on your best clothes for it,
But that shit is organic....
it crosses your path and it stays....
it's there....
love
so many different forms and people
I suggest you try to look around and hold onto those people who do love you
you know who they are
so...stop projecting your insecurities and open up
It's pretty amazing
xo,
I'll be right here
waiting...
m
