Gaslighting ....get over yourself

My control has been out of the ball park lately, Seriously.

Out

of 

the

park.

I'd like to tell you my crying factor has subsided, but no....

that is still hanging tight.

I can cry just thinking about shit...

Nothing even has to happen

but whatever.

One thing I no longer need to cry about??

My life.

My life is good.

but what surprises me, still, is how people want to gaslight.

in case you are confused:

"Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality."

People are dicks.

Honestly, we all are sometimes.

Holding onto anger and punishing is silly.

Be strong.

A long time ago a lovely therapist told me to let go of the things I cannot control.

It brings great relief.

She said I needed to try to understand that that what people are putting towards me is not about me, but about them...

and I laughed.

It made sense....

All those years, I knew I wasn't perfect, but I also knew I was 

kind

beautiful

an empath

and 

honest....

Until I couldn't be anymore.

I also learned that the people who matter most

ie: kids 

They will find out the truth, 

they figure it out

good.

That doesn't matter but what does is that they know I was there,

every damn day,

every day that I could barely get my own ass out of the bed or my mind straight

I got up

and did what I knew was best 

I fought for them and loved them

and allowed them time to hate and to heal

I think that is pretty fucking awesome.

so,

when someone says

"I think you’re a horrible role model for children

 I don’t agree with your way of parenting. I never have..."

I bite my tongue, shake my little head and laugh

as childish as it can be.  it sums it all up

gaslighting no more.

The power of me and my knowledge and my freedom and my love

I'm good.

real good

ABCDE....

xo,

m

53 , Let It Be

Well,

another year.

It's been a good one considering it's the age of Covid.

Party Animal 

crazy hair

Starting fresh

and this is how I celebrate birthdays

shoes and whatever I want.

it's all good

write ya later,

m

 

Oh No You Did Not

I'm a nurse

I get it, y'all are irritated with us and everything that is going on in your bubble of a world....

Covid

Masks

Low staffed restaurants

Seriously...

we are doing our godamn bests...

so it makes no sense for people to be dicks to us or anyone in the medical field right now.

Zip...

Zero...

Nadda...

After 2.5 years you KNOW you need to don a mask...

and yes you can put your classy

"This mask does nothing"

mask on and I may shake my head...

but you know...

in your self centered head...

 you need to put it on to get service...

here, at restaurants, hospitals, clinics, Target, Walmart 

all of it...

and

If ya pull your mask down to sneeze or cough in my face, 

Yes I am going to say something.

If you throw your ID and attitude at the young girl checking you in ....

You can be sure she is going to come back, tell me, and I'm gonna remember

yeah...I am

So, get your shit together and be nice to us.

You get to go home and take your mask off and cop an attitude at home and tell everyone what bitches us nurses are...

and we just keep smiling and reminding you to get a booster, wash your filthy hands, and wear a mask if you need to stand in line at the bottom of the Vail Chair Lift on a Saturday with 30k other people.

and yes this is Vail last weekend 

so tell me none of these people

got Covid

Think about it

xo,

m

Plants are the New Black and how to make cute OUI Jar Plant Things

Has it really been 3 months? 

Apparently. 

I haven't been on here much. I have been writing a wee bit. 

I write for a nature /eco blog ( kind of like ghost writing) once in a while, but I certainly haven't been writing anything fabulous.

So, in-between relentlessly showing up to work to fight COVID, 

which, 

by the way,

I am so over, 

I sometimes piddle around with rescued plants and come up with ridiculous DIY things.

My thrifty self started eating OUI yogurt. I love the little glass jars and I also love the price when it goes on clearance at King Soopers for 79 cents. I haven't died of food poisoning yet, so I keep eating it.

Then I made these little hanging jars with Pothos in them.

there you have it 

Little hanging jars....

If I remember, I'll repost when they grow.

It will be like paint drying.

I have a list of other boring things I hope to accomplish.

Like...

figure out what this is growing in this pot.

Is it something I planted last summer or is it a magic gift from the plant goddess?

I'm sure it is probably a weed.

I'll keep everyone posted on that too.

Then I got this cool Crassula Ovata,

or as I call 

big assed leaf jade plant.

See how crafty? I put little twinkle lights in it.

cute huh?

I ran 2 miles, which I was really happy about because my foot actually didn't hurt...

My entire body did hurt though, because I am out of shape.

I taught Olive how to drive a stick shift, which nearly killed us both.  She tried to kill me with angry attitude and refusal to try anything new and I about killed me by trying to stay positive.

Took 3 weeks, but I think she has it.

Went on a hike

Button Rock Dam

It was lovely.

I cut off all my hair.

Is that a sign of something

I won't say 2022 is going to be my year, but I'm gonna give it my half ass attempt.

I think what I really need to do is make a vision board and get some therapy.

I giving myself 5 more days of January to get my shit together,

then I'm putting on my damn party dress and moving along.

write ya later

xo, m

Empath's Rule

 To walk away or to stay? That is the question I have asked myself many times in my life. Not an easy question by any means, and not a question to take lightly. One random thing I think about is: 

Man, you really do travel this life alone.

The best one can hope for is that you cross paths with people who you can at least spend some enjoyable time with, before your time is over. 

Amen

My time recently has been eaten up by family responsibilities and maintaining the health and sanity of those within my small small circle.  I realize this is not uncommon, but yet, when do I take a minute to step outside my area and take a few breaths for myself....without guilt, fear or anger?  A work friend and I were discussing the counseling I was attending for my daughter, and a bit of the scares and heartbreaks  I have experienced with my two kids. How I never feel like a good parent if my kids have fallen into these holes of hurt and pain...but I fight like hell every day for them to see their beauty. I would not change a thing in my life right n ow except for them to be what we see in them and put the fear and judgements from the world behind them. I cry every time I speak of either one of them, not for sadness, but for my fear that they may never see how amazing life is.  

When are you going to get some counseling?

OMG, no shit.  I feel bad for the therapist I eventually sit with.  At this point I am working 2 jobs to cover life expenses and therapies for O, so that she can be safe and stay out of the hospital. Believe you me.......when I get a free day and an extra $150 I am IN.

When does the fun begin?

Honestly, everyday is a pretty good day.  All in all I really don't have much to complain about, just things to manage.  Am I sad some people have walked away? Very much so.  But they have their lives too.  I am not their inner circle....but I will almost always be there for them. I like to think that we all need separation  to move in the directions needed so that we can come back to each other stronger and with more love and knowledge.  I feel confident in my heart and head that the few people whom have turned away know that I love them dearly and will always and I will be right here for them if they ever need me, a hug, a dinner, a cocktail, a place to just sit and breathe.  I know that.

Love when you can love and never forget it

Yeah, that      Love and hugs are an amazing thing. Closeness and intimacy are secret worlds. No one will ever again make me feel guilty of how much, who, when or why I choose love and laughter. For each time and person I have chosen, or those who have loved me, I am grateful. Especially grateful for the loves who are still here, so that we can remind each other how special friendships are. how longterm unconditional love can not be trumped by petty ideas and life rules.  

An Empath's rule: My heart will always be open to you

As will my sense of humor, my brute honesty, and my abilities to love and piss off at the same time.

Now off to start this wonderful Sunday.

write ya later,

m

Holding on for Life

Broken Bells

Girl take a seat, rest your weary bones

Your secrets safe in my hands

Tell me about the years and

Let me buy an hour

Maybe help me to understand

Ooh ain't nobody callin'

Ain't nobody home

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Light another cigarette

Burning in the cold

Waiting on the street for your man

You're trying not to look so

Young and miserable

You gotta get your kicks while you can

In the lighted corner, sitting on your own

What a lovely day to be lonely

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

Well you might belong to another time

Still you have to carry on here

No where else to go and you never know

What to hide and what to show, no

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.

You're holding on for life

Holding on for life oh

Holding on for love.